A Fiasco! adventure at Dragons Keep using the Dragon Slayers playset by Logan Bonner.
This was the first time I'd run this playset and the session was run using discord but was bedevilled by a poor connectivity all round (Thanks internet!!)
The Setup
| RELATIONSHIP... CULTURE you worship the same God NEED... TO AMASS A HORDE To fund a private army | DERFAL Holy Champion of the Fell (Ryan) | RELATIONSHIP... FELLOWSHIP Leader / Wannabe Leader LOCATION... IN THE WILD The cave of visions |
| COHEN A Barbarian (Apo) | THE TILT Misplaced Passion | GRUFF BLOODAXE Capt. of Ironhold Dwarves (Mark) |
| RELATIONSHIP... MAGIC A Diabolist / Sacrifice LOCATION... DUNGEON LOWER LEVEL The Dragons Lair | VARENA (Princess) 3rd daughter of King Varos of Zarozinia (Tony) | RELATIONSHIP... WAR "You Killed My Father" OBJECT... TROPHIES Ring on Mummy's finger |
The Stuck Pig Inn
Our adventures begin the day after the party have returned from slaying the Dragon and retrieving the horde. Everyone is nursing a serious hangover and Cohen is missing.
We quickly establish that the tomn of Pissante is down to its last chicken and all the other livestock have been eaten by the dragon. Gruff dealt the killing blow to the Dragon whilst being distracted by Princess Varena, that Cohen likes to drink from dog bowls and Derfal is a most pious holy champion.
We also learn that the heroes have not planned beyond amassing the Dragons Horde
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| The Stuck Pig |
On the Road Looking for the One-eyed Killer
"Are we there yet?" says the princess. "No!" says Cohen who is driving the cart through the dusty, desolate landscape. The three men argue about if they are going the right way, exactly why they need to raise a private army and who is this one-eyed killer. Up ahead a dust cloud signals an approaching traveller. It is a dark robed figure riding a white horse. They pull up their horses and engage in roadside conversation.
"I have been looking for you" says Cohen "I want to hire you and your army".
"THEN YOU KNOW MY PRICE... 1 YEAR OF YOUR LIVES AND I WILL KILL ANYONE YOU DESIRE" says DEATH. The heroes consider this bargain but Gruff demands to see a demonstration.
"I AM A SUPERNATURAL BEING WHO HOLDS POWER OVER LIFE AND DEATH, WELL MOSTLY DEATH BUT YOU CATCH MY DRIFT" and waves a boney finger in the general direction of the heroes.
Samuel the cart horse, who has been a trusty companion since they escaped the Castle of King Varos of Zarozina slumps to the ground dead.
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| Death on his horse Binky |
On the Road to the Dragons Lair
"Are we there yet" says princess Varena. "No, but ask me again in another 5 minutes princess" replies Cohen. Derfal wants to make sure that they all understand the plan for when the raid the dragon's lair. "You guys hang back I'll take the lead, this dragon is mine"
"First time?" asks Gruff "It's usually a group thing, you never know what you will encounter and if you manage to kill the dragon you will want someone to witness your heroism. I suggest we see how you get on in the upper levels and then decide our strategy then".
"Yes, we can have a workplace assessment. It's a great opportunity to evaluate our performance, identify strengths and training opportunities for future growth and personal development." says Varena, "I don't know much about killing dragons but I had years of Royal Household Management Training at Mrs Hegemony's Princess Finishing School".
24 Hours after Meeting Death
"So what happened to your army?" asks Cohen.
"MUSICAL DIFFERENCES" replies Death in a dissapointed voice "WAR GETS DISTRACTED BY BAR FIGHTS, PESTILENCE SMELLS... AND FAMINE, WELL LETS JUST SAY THAT THE KEBAB SHOP OUTSIDE THE GIG DOES A BRISKER TRADE THAN THE VENUE. ANYWAY, I'VE BEEN SOLO FOR A WHILE, I AM A FREE SPIRIT, I MEAN SUPERNATURAL ENTITY. HELL WILL FREEZE OVER BEFORE WE REUNITE.
NOW ARE YOU GOING TO SIGN THE CONTRACT OR NOT?"
"We are a little unsure about the payment, can you go through it again" Gruff asks.
"IT'S PAINLESS, I JUST STEAL MOMENTS HERE AND THERE THROUGH YOUR LIFETIME. I'VE ALREADY STOLEN 15 MINUTES OF PRINCESS VARENA'S LIFE AND NONE OF YOU EVEN NOTICED. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD ME WHO YOU WANT KILLED?
Cohen proudly states "Oh that's easy, it's the man who killed Varena's fa..."
Varena's head bangs loudly on the side of the cart. "SORRY TO INTTERUPT YOUR FLOW BUT I DON'T THINK YOU WANTED HER TO HEAR THAT"
"Now let's hold on a minute" blusters Gruff "As I recall it was a fair fight, a matter of honour infact. You could even call it a duel. Admittedly, I had to slay the entire palace guard, all the lords and ladies in waiting, a dozen minor nobles and even Varena's mother and two sisters to get to him, but he kept hiding behind everyone"
The Princesses Bed Chamber
From the sounds of the commotion in the Great Hall the Palace Guard are doing a fine job fending off the attackers. Varena is shocked but excited when the Cohen bursts into the room demanding "Are you a Princess?", finally her dream of being kidnapped is coming true, just like Mrs Hegemony said it would.
"Aren't you a little scrawny for a barbarian, I expect princesses shouldn't be choosy. Would you like me to struggle for you?"
At that moment Derfal and a very bloodied Gruff burst in. "Come on we've got to get out of here!" gasps Gruff.
"I'm all packed and ready to go just like it says in Chapter 57 - Kidnap Preparedness" says Varena, "Have you left a ransom note? I can help you write it Mr. Barbarian. I'm only a 3rd Princess so you don't want to be greedy with your demands shall we say your weight in gold? Perhaps we should ask for the Dwarf's weight in gold instead. I would say 300 pounds of gold"
"250 pounds thank you, I've been watching my diet" retorts Gruff... gruffly.
"Right now let's be off" Varena exclaims and activates a secret door behind her bedroom mirror. "This will take us into the poor quarter on the edge of the city near the gate"
In the Monastery of the Fell
Novice Derfal and Novice Cohen are in a debate about what Holy Day they are praying for. It's the most holiest of holy Spot the Dog's Day. The Master's most favourite companion "Blessed be his name". Brother Dominic looks dissaprovingly at the pair "Sssssssshhhh".
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| The Monks of the Fell Monstery |
Brother Kevin rolls his eyes and decries "Six months in the order and he hasn't even learned his Holy Days! Forsooth Brother, I'm not sure this one will ever ascend beyond the rank of dogwalker"
At that moment time stands still and boney hands grip Cohen and Derfal's shoulders.
"YOU ARE BOTH REQUIRED ELSEWHERE. I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND, DON'T YOU?"
The Getaway & Mrs Miggins Mead and Wine Shoppe
The gang of four come out of the tunnel into Slipshod Alley in the poor quarter.
"I feel the need, the need for mead" says Cohen "Where's the nearest Tavern?" The Princess leads them to a small shop a couple of streets away. "This should do nicely" and pushes the party through the doors of the off-licence.
Mrs Miggins recognises the Princess and bowing and scraping tells them that their order will be complimentary. A barrel of mead and a case of Chateau Brigande are procured later and the unlikely bunch are heading out of the gate on a cart and horse with the Princess leading the escape on a small pony.
The Dungeon Upper Level and Goblins
The four heroes are lit only by the light of Derfal's single torch. "Right now get behind me, I know what I'm doing, the exit is this way" he says lifting his torch high in the air to illuminate the massive gothic columns of a gothic hallway once home to som e long dead clan of dwarves. His torch is promptly extinguished by a gold draught and the party fumble in the darkness for a flint.
The torch sputters into life illuminating the horde of 20 goblins that now surreound them on all sides.
Like a whirling dervish Gruff springs into action moving down goblin after goblin before they even have chance to strike. The party stand in awe at his martial prowess.
Act Two
The Dragons Lair
The four heroes find the sleeping dragon and Derfal goes right up to it and pokes it in the snout with his sword. The Dragon reflexively sneezes blowing the Holy Champion clean across the hall and into a huge pile of gold coins. Gruff lets out a battle cry and launches a furious attack but is effortlessly batted away by the dragon as it wakes.
"Who dares disturb my slumber" bellows the dragon in an impeccable English accent. "I Cohen the Barbarian disturb your slumber" retorts the scrawny human drawing his cheese axe. However, the Dragon looks past the barbarian and spies Verena. "Well hello there, and who might this ravishing morsel be?".
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| The Dragon who seems to have a thing for Princesses |
The dragon is clearly besotted with Verena who suggestively complains that it is very hot in here and begins to unbutton her blouse affording Gruff the opportunity to leap from the balcony above and behead the giant creature.
Removing the Horde
The crew pack all the gold they can carry and despite the princesses protestations fill her luggage with gold and gems and retreat out of the dragons lair. As they retrace their steps through the upper dungeon level they pass a large pile of dead stirges from a previous encounter. Gruff mutters "By the Gods I hate Stirges"
They pack the gold into the cart and head back to Pissante.
Death gathers his Army
Flash forward a couple of weeks and the party finally agree to refuse Death's contract. Death accuses them of wasting his time and he summons his hosemen companions. One by one they appear on the rode astride their hell steeds. Each horse carries an instrument case, Famine carries a double bass, Pestilence a guitar and War's massive charger has a kettle drum on each side.
Death addresses his band mates. "I HAD A WORD WITH SATAN AND HE SAID HE'D LOVE A SKI-ING TRIP"
In the Cave of Visions
Gruff has heard tell of a magical cave in the wilds known as the cave of visions. Perhaps they will find out how to ressurect King Varos. They don't have any difficulty finding the cave in fact it is clearly marked on the tourist map they purchased in a nearby village. In the cave mouth is a tin bucket with the words "Admission 1 Gold Coin Each" scrawled on the side.
Inside they are met by a blind old crone who leads them into a cave with a large underground lake. SHe urges them to wade into the waters and to submerge themselves. They do so and receive a shared vision of Pestilence wearing a copper ring playing the guitar in a seedy inn in Zarozinia called the Ramblin' Ruin.
Confronting the 4 Horsemen at the gig the Rambling Ru inn
The heroes find "The Deadalls" at the Ramblin' Ruin playing an improv jazz set to an empty audience. As War begins his drum solo thee other 3 players step off the stage and join the heroes at the bar. Cohen immediately approaches Pestilence and exclaims "Oh man, I'm your biggest fan. You absolutely nailed it up there." he grips the emaciated guitarist by the hand deftly swiping the ring from his bony fingers. Pestilence barely has a moment "Wow, it's always a pleasure to meet my fans..." before he crumbles to dust.
Cohen's three companions jaws drops as he puts the ring on his finger "what's gotten your tongues? and where did all these flies come from?"
Ressurrecting the King
In the Royal Crypt deep below the palace the four heroes stand over the sarcophagus of King Varos. They jimmy open the lid and Cohen the Pestilent filled with the knowledge of all the Pestilence's which have gone before him instinctively knows how to use the ring. He waves his hand over the corpse and King Varos gasps back to life. His daughter hugs him dearly in a touching and delicate moment.
A bony hand touches Cohen on the shoulder. "TIME TO GO PESTILENCE, WE'RE ON STAGE IN 10 MINUTES"
The Aftermath
Derfal had only one mission in life which was to keep Cohen out of trouble. With this gone his life never got back on track and he descended into a life of cheap booze, vagrancy and petty larceny before he was jailed for dog larceny.
... The Dragon Slayers.
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