Tuesday, 2 June 2020

Schwarzenegger and Chan Team up in Weird Wuxia Fantasy

The Mystery of the Dragon Seal (also known as The Iron Mask) is the sequel to 2014's utterly bonkers Forbidden Empire
The Mystery of the Dragon Seal
Watch it on
Amazon Prime

Directed by Oleg Stepchenko this is a bizarre mix of Russian creativity and Chinese money which results in a visually sumptuous affair.  Immaculatly dressed sets, fantastic wire work and a half decent storyline make this an engaging watch.

Set in the mid 1700s, Jason Flemyng reprises his role as hapless cartographer and adventurer Jonathan Green who, having survived the supernatural monsters of Transylvannia, has made it to the court of Peter the First of Russia.  Having previously met the Tsar when he visited London, Green is eager to present the map he has made for the him and hopefully be richly rewarded for his efforts. 

However, Green immediately spots that an imposter sits on the throne of Russia and he is summarily thrown in jail where he meets the Cheng Lan, daughter of kung fu master Jackie Chan.

Pigeon post correspondence with his betrothed Miss Dudley is intercepted by the real Tsar who is currently imprisoned in the Tower of London alongside Jackie Chan.  They return a pigeon and the whole story starts to pick up pace thanks to some political influence from her father (Charles Dance).

Enter unlikely prison warden and history buff James Hook (Captain Hook?) played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He seems to spend a lot of his screen time in a weird Ultimate Fighting American Ninja Death Match ring where prisoners have to beat him in combat and climb to the top of a ladder to win their freedom.

I don't want to spoil it for you so I will leave the spoilers there.  I will say one last thing though, Rutger Haur has a fleeting cameo.

What Did I think?

I have never been a fan of movies where you can literally feel the influence of the producers.  Arnie was an executive producer and it feels like his segments are overly long and drawn out because he is in control.  There is a nagging sense of direction by committee about this movie.

The multi-national cast means that the movie is dubbed entirely in English and badly at times even when the English cast are talking you can see that sections have been redubbed to change dialogue.  I'm guessing that the intention from the getgo is to sell this movie to as many different territories as possible with their own local dubbed version so lipsync is going to be an issue no matter who watches it.  Welcome to the real world of modern global cinema.  

Whilst this is immensely fun and a much better than the original movie in colour palette consistency and delivery it is no wuxia masterpiece like Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame.

An enjoyable watch if you don't think too hard.

Monday, 1 June 2020

Reaper Bones #19 - Townsfolk


Townsfolk were a welcome addition to the original Reaper Bones Kickstarter.  

I can't believe that I've DM'd for 37 years and not had any decent villagers to put infront of my players.  Well that time is over, let me present:

Townsfolk: Strumpet (Bobby Jackson SKU: 77086)

I don't think we have to say much about this mini other than that I can't possibly think what might happen if I answer her beckoning call...

Reaper bones Strumpet
Strumpet

Townsfolk: Mom and Kids (Bobby Jackson SKU: 77087)

I couldn't resist the temptation to paint the "strumpet" 5 years later.  Hope she's getting some welfare cheques for those kids.  Oh wait it's a quasi medieval setting, one of them is probably related to the local Baron...

Reaper Bones Mom and Kids
Mom & Kids


Townsfolk: Blacksmith (Bobby Jackson SKU: 77142)

This guy is the strong and silent, stoic sort of guy who will get you out of a jam.  As long as you pay him up front.

Reaper Bones Blacksmith
Blacksmith
Townsfolk: Oswald the Overladen (Bobby Jackson SKU: 77141)

What can we say about Oswald?  He's a fairly reliable chap if you don't mind his grumbles and muttering.  Keep him well paid and he will carry more than his own weight (literally).  Don't get him to cook for you.  Who knows where that raw chicken came from but I'm fairly sure it's attracting flies...

Reaper Bones Oswald the Overladen
Oswald the Overladen

You might notice that I am now using my new light box which came with two backdrops.  I think you'll agree they are much better photos.  If you haven't got one I can heartily recommend that you get a USB mini photo studio from eBay for cheaps, you won't regret it.

Bones Progress


Reaper Bones: 245 - Painted: 67


Related Posts

Sunday, 31 May 2020

A to Z of UK RPG in the 80s: N is for Northern Militaire

N is for Northern Militaire

Wargaming was a part of my childhood in the 70s/80s.  I would willingly be dragged to conventions like Sheffield Triples, FIASCO in Leeds or my favourite Northern Militaire in Manchester.  

I have particularly fond memories of one participation game I must have played for hours called "Kamikaze" where you piloted 1/72nd scale WWII Japanese torpedo bombers attacking a US Navy Carrier.  It was a lot of fun and very simple.  

Each turn you chose the height your plane was flying at and the carrier would fire its guns at you.  If you survived long enough you got to launch your torpedos and if you got close enough you could attempt a "Kamikaze" attack and fly directly into the carrier. 

The planes had verticle holes cut through the fuselage so they could be threaded onto a metal rod (a scientific stand if I recall) and you adjusted the height of the plane using a small bulldog clip fixed to the rod.  Damage markers were white red and yellow coloured rings and of course if you caught fire you would get the obligatory cotton wool smoke trail attached to your plane.  

My memory of the carrier was that it was huge and fairly basic in design.  To an impressionable 7 year old, detail didn't matter, it was the mutts nuts.  I'm fairly sure that the PC brigade would have none of it today but it was accepteable in the 80s.

If anyone reading this has any photos of the Kamikaze game from back in the day please leave a comment in the box below.  I would love to talk to you.

Northern Militaire 1979
My Family (circled) at Northern Militaire circa 1979
(courtesy of The Wargaming Megalomaniac)

Special thanks to the following blogs for sharing their photos and memories.

Friday, 29 May 2020

Mega City Mini Plots

Here are three Judge Dredd RPG mini plots to go along with those Sci-Fi Street Funtiture scenery miniatures.

Vending Machine Rampage


When "Call Me Kenneth" led the robot revolution (progs 10 - 17) the vending machines stood dutifully by serving their customers with hot beverages and even hotter Man Chow.  When a system update breaks their programming these metal boxes go on the rampage with hilarious results.

We have to make them mobile and I like the idea that the vending machines of the future are autonomous.  When empty they sprout legs, wheels, tracks or whatever locomotive device and trundle back to the factory to be restocked and repaired.

Eyeball Icecube
Eyeball Icubes
you can Buy them on eBay

How do they kill?  Well that would be dependant on the vending machine.  Drinks machines will of course fire cans or streams of super hot synthi-caf from their dispensers.  Snack venders will scoop you in through their front door and spear you with those spiral dispenser coils.  An ice cube machine will chop you and then freeze you into bite size ice cube chunks.

Why are they doing this? What are their demands? Who made the bad code? - These are all questions your Judge team will need to find out.

Carnivorous Mutant Wigs


Mega City One has a long tradition entrepreneuers releasing new products with unintended consequences.  It could be anything.  Legendary hairpiece designer Baldnomeor is selling their latest toupees which are actually a cultivated creature from the Cursed Earth.  The hair conditioner they sell along with the wigs has a sedative effect on the creature. 

However, should you run out of conditioner or forget to apply it daily, these things will wake up.  They have a taste for human brains and they are very, very hungry.

It's possible that a bad batch of the conditioner has worked its way into the vending machine system meaning that thousands of follicly challenged Mega City One residents are at risk.

This plot hook is in no way shape or form inspired by Donald Trump rather than by a Hairy Jungle Flannel Moth Caterpillar photo which resembles his Toupee which I found on the interweb.

Megalopygid Trump Photo by Phil Torres
Megalopygid Trump by @Phil_Torres

Vending Machines are Witnesses Too


Not so much a plot and more of a statement of fact.  I conceive that in the future vending machines will have CCTV just like today where all ATMs (or as us brits call them "hole in the wall" cash machines) have CCTV cameras embedded in them.  They will use face recognition to identify their repeat customers and be programmed with Artificial Intelligence for small talk.

You might want to give them access to citizen's medical records in order to monitor their intake of synthi caffiene, sugar or other substances which might have a potential impact on their health.  Of couse they have access to all your credit details, unless you are one of those off the grid citizens who still pays with old fashioned plasti-creds, so can advise you on other tempting offers which could be delivered straight to your place of residence.

With all this technology and if we assume that they are mobile (as in the first plot hook) the Judges will not be surprised when they are doing a spot of desk duty and a vending machine trundles into the sector house to report a crime.

Thursday, 28 May 2020

A to Z of UK RPG in the 80s - P is for Pondsmith, (Mike! where's my flying car?)

As some of you are aware I am based in the UK and I've blogged before about how the roleplaying scene differs in Blighty to that across the pond (and probably that over in the Eurozone to boot).  Here's an attempt to pick out some of the highlights of what it was like to be a roleplayer back in the dark days of Thatcher's Britain of the 1980s (cue the V for Vendetta trailer)...

Cyberpunk
In 1988 R Talsorian released Cyberpunk, set in the dystopian near future imagined by the likes of authors William Gibson (Neuromancer), Bruce Sterling (Mirror Shades) and Walter J Williams (Hardwired).

Designer Mike Pondsmith did a great job of amalgamating the disparate source material into one and with the release of CP2020 in 1990 the game really took off.  I was one of the early adopters of the original boxed set.  It could usually be found languishing at the back of the dark and dingy gamestore (trust me some were) among the RIFTS and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles books.  The black box set had minimal artwork just a cool looking negative line drawing of a punk with a big gun... I had to have it.

The three skinny books were:
  • View From The Edge: The Cyberpunk Handbook (48 pages) - The "Players Handbook" if you will, detailing character generation, the net and netrunning and cyberwear.

  • Friday Night Firefight: INTERLOCK Man to Man & Weapons Combat System (22 pages) - The combat manual containing all you needed to know about melee and missile combat, wounds damage and recovery and a whole heap of guns and armour.

  • Welcome to Night City: A Sourcebook for 2013 (44 pages) - The dark future sourcebook containing all you needed to know about Night City (the primary urban setting) and the rest of the world including, corporations, fashion, weapons and transportation.
Now don't get me wrong I absolutely love Cyberpunk, but if it were released today no-one in their right mind would buy it, but not because there's no market or appetite for a dystopian near future subculture game.  Compared to todays slickly produced, source material heavy books, its just a skeleton of a game system really, there just wasn't enough source material in there for you to run a convincing game.  This is probably why only two years later it was completely revamped and flung another 7 years into the future with Cyberpunk 2020, and to be honest this is the game I play, even now.

No Source Material, I'll give you Source Material

It wasn't until you teamed up the boxset rules with one of the sourcebooks published the year after the original release, that the game came together.
  • Hardwired - An alternate reality sourcebook set in the world of Walter Jon Williams 1986 novel of the same name.

  • Near Orbit - Focusing on the corporate expansion into space and it's exploitation in the wake of nation state collapse and the failure of US and Russian space programmes.

  • Rockerboy - Expanding upon the Rockerboy character role from the basic game.

  • Solo of Fortune - Expanding upon the Solo character role from the basic game.

http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-53481-19255-0/1?ff3=4&pub=5575591494&toolid=10001&campid=5338691580&customid=Hardwired+CP2020&mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fsch%2Fi.html%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dm570.l1313%26_nkw%3DHardwired%2BCyberpunk%26_sacat%3D0%26LH_TitleDesc%3D0%26_osacat%3D0%26_odkw%3DHardwired%2BCyberpunk

http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-53481-19255-0/1?ff3=4&pub=5575591494&toolid=10001&campid=5338691580&customid=Near+Orbit+CP2020&mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fsch%2Fi.html%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dm570.l1313%26_nkw%3DNear%2BOrbit%2BCyberpunk%26_sacat%3D0%26LH_TitleDesc%3D0%26_osacat%3D0%26_odkw%3DNear%2BOrbit%2BCyberpunk
HardwiredNear Orbit

http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-53481-19255-0/1?ff3=4&pub=5575591494&toolid=10001&campid=5338691580&customid=Rockerboy+CP2020&mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fsch%2Fi.html%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dm570.l1313%26_nkw%3DRockerboy%2BCyberpunk%26_sacat%3D0%26LH_TitleDesc%3D0%26_osacat%3D0%26_odkw%3DRockerboy%2BCyberpunk

http://rover.ebay.com/rover/1/710-53481-19255-0/1?ff3=4&pub=5575591494&toolid=10001&campid=5338691580&customid=Colo+fo+Fortune+CP2020&mpre=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ebay.co.uk%2Fsch%2Fi.html%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dm570.l1313%26_nkw%3DSolo%2Bof%2BFortune%2BCyberpunk%26_sacat%3D0%26LH_TitleDesc%3D0%26_osacat%3D0%26_odkw%3DSolo%2Bof%2BFortune%2BCyberpunk
RockerboySolo of Fortune

Time for Predictions

Cyberpunk has taken quite a lot of flack in the post internet years for its lack of foresight, but I think that this is unfair criticism, infact William Gibson said "As soon as a work is complete, it will begin to acquire a patina of anachronism." in his recent interview with BoingBoing.  There are plenty of games and a whole genre of science fiction which has done the same whilst trying to imagine a vision of a dystopian near future.  You only have to look at Bladerunner's vision of 2006 or Mad Max's vision of an  Australia after a Third World War to see that others also got the future spectacularly wrong. 

Let's dig a little deeper into that source material and see whether or not any of the ideas and concepts from the game and genre actually came true.

Global Data Network - ARPANET had been around since 1972 and a lucky few may have been on BBS or USENET on a computer via a modem and the game acknowledges that history. But in 1988, when cyberpunk was released, Tim Bernes-Lee hadn't yet invented The Internet and no-one knew what a browser was, so instead we had this bizarre virtual reality construct which you interfaced with.  This came straight off the pages of the novels which inspired the game (and I noted with interest that Walter Jon Williams is credited with playtesting the game).  The global data network which we now call the internet did arrive and thank god it was not entirely dominated by the corporations although we did have the likes of AOL and GeoCities.  8/10 - "Not Far off" 

Virtual Reality - The interface of the dark future was direct injection, without the 2D visual interface of a monitor to hold them back, the aspiring netrunner went all 3D virtual reality on us.  This vision of the future is still some years away, and it is now the movie and games industries which are driving the development of 3D technology and it is only a matter of time until the web and 3D merge.  The advances in mobile computing and telecoms have spawned another potentially far more interesting technology which Cyberpunk did predict in the shape of Times Square Marquee, a form of Augmented Reality (AR) where a virtual layer is superimposed on the realworld.    5/10 - "Still waiting for my neural plugs"

Aerodyne Vehicles - The transport of choice in Night City was always an AV of some sort or another and thanks to the relentless self publicity of Dr Moller and his Sky Car this has always seemed so tantalisingly close.  Cyberpunk is in good company when it comes to flying cars alongside many futurists, tech journalists and sci-fi authors but sadly this is still just a dream - 3/10 - "Dude Where's my flying car??"

Cybernetic Enhancements - Putting the cyber into cyberpunk were the mechanical and neural enhancements you added to your characters just to let them get through a tough day in Night City.  Everyone had them, from rockerboys to cops, and street vendors to corporate execs, so where are they?  A little ways off it seems, the plastic surgery and body sculpting fetishes are most definitely with us but those spearheading the field of limb and organ replacement are still the same war veterans and disabled of 50 years ago.  Although advances in material science have given us the likes of athlete Oscar "Bladerunner" Pistorius and in cybernetics, Prof. Kevin " Captain Cyborg" Warwick the world has yet to turn to the elective surgery seen in the game.   2/10 - "Still just plain punks"

Rise of the Mega-Corporation - Another dark them in the game was that of the collapse of nation states and their replacement by Mega-Corporations.  There are undoubtedly dark times ahead still for the world as it blunders its way through this latest global recession and todays corporations seem to be lacking in their resolve to take over everything just yet.  5/10 - "There's still time for this one"

Mobile Computers - No self respecting Netrunner would have been seen dead without his portable deck and trodes ready to jack in from a public data term, a household line or a dead suit's deskphone in Arasaka Towers.  However, the rise of the internet and the desire for mobile data all the time has led to the invention of the smartphone instead.  The mini wifi terminal most of us now carry in a shirt pocket or handbag, capable of handling data, voice and video was not on cyberpunk's or any other tech radar.  Need proof? just check out Harrison Ford in 1980s "Bladerunner" making a video call to Sean Young from a public phone booth.  2/10 - "The future's now, the future's iPhone"

Addendum

Most of this post was written many years ago and was languishing as a draft utnil very recently.  We are all on tenderhooks waiting for the full edition of Cyberpunk Red to be released and I for one am glad that Cyberpunk is gettting the love now that it deserves.