Meanwhile in Mega CIty One - Prog 3: Great Balls Of Fire!!

Meanwhile in Mega City One is a roleplaying game which takes place every Friday Night at Dragons Keep Roleplay Club in Chislehurst, South East London.  Games Master is Tony

Cast

• Judge Cully - A no-nonsense female street judge with a penchant for heavy weapons - Kat
• Judge Krush - A hard as nails street judge who goes by the book - Steve
• Judge Swiss - A rookie street Judge - Alex
  
• Psi Judge Pike - A Psi Division rookie Judge - Conor
  

A Hot Chipped Cat

eaving Mr Draper's apartment it occurs to Cully and Krush that Mr. Blofeldt  is likely to have had a tracking chip installed and so Cully and Pike put in a call to the municipal computer, Barney, which contains a databaseof every license issued for a pet in MC1.  Unfortunately Barney seems to be overwhelmed with calls at the moment and both judges are put into a queue.

Perhaps there is evidence that thye missed in the apartment and so they return and begin a more thorough search.  Krush begins looking for a safe behibnd the many paintings, Cully searches the walk in closet and Pike the bedroom dresser.  Pike finds a desktop armoire filled with cat collars of every colour.  In the drawers below are stuffed receipts from a store called Cat Couture.  In the living room behind a large painting, Krush finds a safe with a combination keypad.  Pike suggests tying in Mr. Blofeldts birthday.  

They switch on the Tri-D TV and search the calendar.  Mr Blofeldts birthday is circled as an event on 04-11.  Krush punches in the numbers and is rewarded with a satisfying click, the key to cracking the case is almost in his hands.  Unfortunately, the safe contains only a large stock of human dehydrated food.  "Well that's one mystery solved" remarks Swiss.

Searching through Miss Wildensteins favourites they discover that she watched almost exclusively celebrity vids, cat vids and celebrity cat vids.  One channel is "Where's my Pussy?" which is a lost cat channel through which owners can report their lost stolen or otherwise errant feline friends .  It contains thousands of pictures of missing moggies and Cully decides to use it to list Mr. Blofeldt.  She fills out the online form.

Pike calls up the directory and dials the number for Cat Couture.  Two well dressed men answer the phone and immediately begin effervescing about how glad they are that Miss Wildenstein has called.  They are shocked and surprised to learn that Miss Wildenstein is deceased.  The pair are know to Judge Cully and she remembers that they were the owners of Zlooty Slute's Suits You, a gentlemens outfitters on Melania Boulevard.

Cat Couture

Following their recent close call with disaster Mr Slute and Mr Floot have gone into the cat accessory business.  Miss Wildenstein was one of their biggest customers and she had only recently purchased a stunning blue diamante collar for Mr. Blofeldt worth C10,000.  Mr Floot delicately enquires about the whereabouts of the collar and is dismayed to hear about the missing cat.  They suggest a personal visit to their store to see if they can be of assistance.  

Zlooty Slute	Whistler Floot	Jocelyn Wildenstein

30 minutes later the Judges walk through the door of Cat Couture and begin to interrogate Slute and Flute.  Cully demands a list of customers but they refuse citing client confidentiality.  Despite being threatened with 2 years in the cubes for withholding evidence they remain tight lipped.  Swiss suggests that perhaps if the pair were enrolled in the Informants Scheme they could carry out some investigations on their behalf.  Cully prints out an F17-C and signs the pair up.  Mr Floot comments that "He never liked Mr. Blofeldt #5, it was so sad to hear about the death of #4"

As they mount up outside they consider their possible lines of investigation:

1. Head to The Jungle and see if the Ape Mafia have anything to do with the stolen cat.

2. Pay a visit to Felix Pet Foods the source of the threatening emails to Miss Wildenstein.

3. Go back to sector house and see if the morgue has found anything out on the body.

Their musings are cut short by a scream and a cry "look out it's a boinger!"

What the Boing!

With a sickening crunch splat a boinger lands on a innocent passer-by killing them instantly.  

Judge Pike tries a psychic blast, but Boing is impervious to psychic energy as proven by Judge Anderson when she and Judge Death were entombed in boing many years ago.   Cully manages to shoot off an incendiary round turning the globe of plastic into a spicy hot flaming rubber ball before it bounces up into the air.  

As a second boinger lands, Swiss attempts to fire an HE round but is momentarily blinded by a falling piece of burning plastic landing on his visor.  He orders his bike to engage with it's cannon.  BUDDA, BUDDA, BUDDA go the cannon and three large calibre shells ricochet off the rubber ball.  2 come straight back at the lawmaster busting it up and a third kills a bystander who was making for the safety of the alleyway opposite.  

Boingers land outside Cat Couture on Melania Boulevarde

Ralf Loren, a member of Trump Towers Citi-Def, is buying lunch at the Munce Bar with his squad mates Dave and Suraya.  He instinctively opens up with his stub gun but misses the second boinger and peppers the front of the Sector 55 Bank with lead.  

Judge Krush spins his bike around and fires his Cyclops Laser Cannon at the Boinger.  It's beam cuts through the plastic like a hot knife through butter and punches through into Dave "Shagger" Williams disintegrating his lower torso.  The third citi-def member, Suraya, screams in agony "Who watches the Judges?"  

Ralph comforts his squad mate "It's not looking good Dave" whilst Suraya wave's Dave's legs in the air and tries to grab someone's attention shouting "Medic!"

Pike shoots an AP round at a third boinger who is about to land.  With a crunch it lands on a yellow saloon heading north crushing the plassteel canopy and causing it to crash into an orange car coming the other way.  The boinger ricochets off into the windows of Cat Couture.  Swiss shoots an incendiary at the ascending second boinger as the 1st boinger, now a mishapen blob of burning goo, reaches apogee.  Cully fires an HE at Boinger #2 sending it splatting into the wall of Joe Biden Block opposite.An orange compact hover car is showered with burning debris, swerves and smashes through  the windows of Kneepads R'You.

Krush fires an AP round at Boinger #3 as it ricochets off Cat Couture's armoured windows and flies across the road into the Kneepad Store.

Pike dives under the yellow saloon for cover as what is left of boinger heads for impact.  Cully fires off a HE round at #1 but misses blowing up an unsuspecting citizens apartment.  Boinger #1 lands with a splat on what is left of the yellow saloon.  Pike breathes a sigh of relief and hopes that Judge Belloch will be lenient under the circumstances.

In the Kneepad Store the burning orange compact explodes killing everyone in the store including those who ran inside to shelter from the chaos outside. 

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BACK ISSUES

• Prog 1 - Rolling With The Rookies 
• Prog 2 - Splat Goes The Ugly
  

Movieweek 6 - Big Bug and Gangs of New York

Big Bug (2022) - 7/10

Jean-Pierre Jeunet is one of my favourite auteur directors so I jumped at the chance to watch his latest movie when it appeared in my Netflix notifications.

Visually this is a sumptuous movie and meticulous attention to detail went into its production and visual effects.  The characters are clearly defined and their motivations and mannerisms well expressed by an excellent cast.  However, the movie falls a bit flat.  This is clearly meant to be a stage play comedic farce in the style of a one room play.  

A cautionary tale of what might happen when an AI takes over the running of our everyday lives, the characters are completely at the mercy of the Yonyx AI which has developed some sort of human hating bug and has decided that humans are a lesser species.  The disturbing human baiting TV Shows increasingly become more brutal and humiliating as the Yonyx tightens its grip.Every attempt they make to escape or to thwart the Yonyx's tyranny only lands them in deeper water making the viewer feel like there is really no hope on the horizon.  

There are some genuinely humerous moments but these are few and far between in what could have been a much tighter piece.  Perhaps this movie suffered from production issues during the pandemic, I don't know, but I hope that Jeunet's next project returns to the form of Amelie, Mic Macs and The Young and Prodigious T.S.Spivet.

Gangs of New York (2002) - 7/10

It's been 20 years since I first saw Gangs of New York and I never really liked it the first time around.  I rarely enjoy fims that have been hyped to high heaven and this Scorcese epic was one of the biggest movies of its day. 

I was impressed by the cinematography from the get-go the sets were huge and complex and yet never drew the focus of attention away from the characters of the story.  The characters are everything to this movie, which, is essentially a tale of a son's revenge against the man who killed his father.   

The cast do an excellent job of portraying these brutal people from a brutal time clawing their way through life trying to make something of themselves.  Many die along the way, but a few become changed by history and opportunity.  This is one of John C Reilly's first "serious" movies and alongside some character acting greats like Brendon Gleason, Daniel Day Lewis and Jim Broadbent he does a great job.  Less convincing are the younger stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Cameron Diaz whose portrayals seem so much less intense and captiviating.  Perhaps this is an intentional move on the part of the director as the road of their lives is so much less travelled and they are not world weary or burdened by their pasts.

I did enjoy this movie much more the second time around although I am still left feeling that this was very much a movie which didn't have much of a tale to tell and that there should have been much more interplay between the gangs of New York. 

Meanwhile in Mega City One - Prog 2: Splat Goes The Ugly

 

 Meanwhile in Mega City One is a roleplaying game which takes place every Friday Night at Dragons Keep Roleplay Club in Chislehurst, South East London.  Games Master is Tony

Cast

• Judge Cully - A no-nonsense female street judge with a penchant for heavy weapons - Kat
• Judge Krush - A hard as nails street judge who goes by the book - Steve
• Psi Judge Pike - A Psi Division rookie Judge - Conor
• Judge Swiss - A rookie street Judge - Alex

One Ugly Pavement Pizza

It's Thursday and in the morning briefing, Judge Belloch congratulates Judges Pike and Swiss on making it through their first day on the mean streets of Sector 55.   

"Thursday is where the rubber meets the road and folk start warming up for the weekend.  All manner of cooks and crazies will start to come out of the woodwork so don't get sloppy and you won't get dead.

 

Tensions are rising between Chan and Stallone Blocks again and the Belgian Boys over in JCVD feel like they are being left out of the action.  We can expect a full scale block war any day now.  The riot squads are on stand-by and anyone who hasn't completed their mandatory 90 day rotation will be called up shout the brown stuff hit the spinny thing.  

 

You know the drill people, Go! Go! Go!"

 

The Judges are soon out on patrol and on their way to their first incident.  A leaper out of Thatcher Towers has struck the pedway and left a mess.  

 

Arriving on scene, a crowd of bystanders has already surrounded the corpse and Max Manus from Channel 55's News Crew is making a piece to camera.  Cully dismounts and starts to make her way through the crowd.  Manus shoves his mic into her face, "Judge Cully, what makes a person jump to their death on a fine day like to day?  Sick of life or did some perp possibly push them?"  

 

Judges attend the scene of a leaper outside Thatcher Towers

"No Comment" replies Cully and orders the media man to turn over his tape.  Max obliges and calls his hover-cam over with a whistle.  He swiftly ejects the micro data disc and hands it over popping a fresh one in from a stash in his jacket.  She pops the disk into her bike computer and reviews the footage.  Manus only started his segment after the body had hit the pedway but she scans the bystanders for any suspicious body language.  Swiss scans the block for signs of any CCTV which would might have caught the incident.  Mitterand Maisons opposite has some better views of the block and he decides to take a stroll over to the french quarter.  Pike calls for a meatwagon to pick up the body whilst Krush patiently scans the crowd for law breakers.

 

Taking the cross-ped bridge which connects the two block plazas, Swiss spots a curious looking fellow approaching from the Mitterand side.  He walks right up to the judge and suddenly stops putting his hands out in front of him as though an invisible barrier where preventing him from moving any further.  Looking at his feet Swiss notices a yellow painted line which denotes the legal mime zone which surrounds Mitterand Maisons.

Original Background art by Neil Miller  (http://www.neilmillervfx.com)

Swiss asks him for his mime licence and if he saw what happened earlier at Thatcher Towers.  The mime nods and silently conveys a sad face, a jump, a landing, a line across the neck and fluttering wings.  Checking the back of the card Swiss spots that this mime is on duty for the next 7 hours and knows he won't get a word out of him until he comes off shift.  The mime union are a tough bunch he muses as he strides past the street performer and heads for the block security point. 

 

The citizen hit the ground face first but something about the corpse seems familiar to Cully.  It could be the platinim blonde hair or the secquined dress.  She searches the bloody pulp that's left and fishes out a blood stained ID card.  Her suspicions are confirmed, the leaper was Jocelyn Wildenstein a minor celebrity and ugly pageant contestant.  (See Sector 55 Blues - Prog 3)

 

"What's taking so long?" commands Krush "If there's a pushy perp they will be long gone by now!"

 

Spotting a nearby servo-bot Judge Pike orders it to guard the body.  "Call-Me-Malcolm is honoured to serve" say the robot and the patrol heads into the block and up to Miss Wildensteins apartment on floor 525.

 

Over in Mitterand Maisons Judge Swiss is reviewing the CCTV and whilst the footage is grainy and low resolution he can see Miss Wildenstein fall from the balcony and moments earlier there was a white object on the balcony parapet.  Could this have been the cat Mr Blofeldt?  He notes the timecode when Miss Wildenstein fell as 11:16 and returns to Thatcher Towers to rejoin the patrol.

Chez Wildenstein

A short trip in the turbo lift is made slightly less tolerable by "The Girl from Ipanema" and Judges Cully, Pike and Krush are outside the door of apartment 525-32.  The door is closed and Pike uses his Access Card to quietly gain entry.  Cully strides purposefully into the centre of the living room and begins scanning for clues.  Pike follows his Close Quarters Combat Training and checks the bathroom to his left.  Satidfied that there is no-one in the room he shouts "Clear".  Krush strides into the room and begins perusing the walls for pictures.

 

The Wildenstein Apartment 525-32 Thatcher Towers

 

The room is a well appointed single apartment covered in wall to wall white shag carpet and decorated in tasteful shades of pastel blue, silver and white.  The walls are covered in photographs and artistic prints of Miss Wildenstein and her cat Mr. Blofeldt.

 

Judge Swiss arrives and he proceeds to search the Kitchen which is spotlessly clean.  In the cupboards are a full compliment of Felix cat food tins in an assortment of 14 flavours.  Conspicuously there does not appear to be any human food apart from a supply of synthi-caf pods.  Pike retrieves 3 cans of cat food from the kitchen and opens them in a bid to entice the missing cat out from its hiding place.

Whilst searching the area in front of the open balcony doors Judge Cully discovers a broken string of pearls buried deep in the carpet.  She bags them as evidence.  A search of the bedroom reveals a walk in closet replete with an ample selection of evening gowns and ostentacious wigs.  

Despite a thorough search of the apartment there is no sign of Mr. Blofeldt.  Pike goes down to the Security Station and reviews the CCTV outside the apartment.  At approximately 11:22 A dark figure is seen walking down the corridor with something white under their arm.  The vid feed is too grainy and indistinct to make out any features or establish a gender.  The security point staff explain that CCTV in the block is outdated and the municipal funds have been redirected on higher priority projects since the infamous Brexit scandal.  Pike spends some time trying to follow the individual across the patchy feeds but loses them when they enter the parking substructure on level 250.

Cully puts in an information request to MAC to find any known perps with a history of illegal animal dealing on their records.  One record is returned, a Terrence Draper 171-27 Thatcher Towers was released 2 weeks ago after a 10 year stretch in the cubes for trading in unlicensed animals and endangered species.  The patrol reconvenes outside Draper's apartment.

Terrence Draper

Floor 171 is typical of the lower rent floors of most citi blocks.  The lower the floor, the lower the rent and the lower the standard of living, decor and level of maintenance.  Bare concrete walls are slick with mold and mildew and the floors are covered in well worn and shabby synthi-tiles which haven't seen a robo-mop in decades.

Krush knocks on the door of apartment 27 and orders Draper to open up in the name of the Law.  Draper is reluctant and Pike reads his mind through the metal security door.  He is a strong minded character and his mind is full of memories of his recent incarceration.  He does not want to go back. 

Pike gives Krush a psychic boost and he kicks the door in to a cacophanous and sudden chorus of animal sounds.  The apartment is dark and dingy with a faint smell of machine oil and plastic.  Surrounding the walls are cage upon cage containing animals of all varieties who silently stare at the judges with red unblinking eyes.

 

Draper explains that he's gone legit and switched to the synthi-pet trade.  After some intimidation he explains that

 

"If it's live animals that you want then you need to go see the animals in The Jungle..."   

 

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BACK ISSUES

• Prog 1 - Rolling With The Rookies

Movieweek 5 - The House with Gunpowder Milkshake

Hopefully my real life has settled down a bit and I can get on with doing what I love which is watching movies and playing games.

The House (2020) - 6/10

This is an incredibly creepy stop-motion animated film comprising three short stories.  To be absolutely honest took me several attempts to get through the first story as it was so creepy.  The set dressing and animation style is perfect.  It's a blend of Coraline meets Fantastic Mr Fox and there is a good deal of "boil" (when a models hair or fur moves between shots and makes it look like their skin is boiling) which adds to the creepiness of the whole thing. 

The voice cast are a all great British talents, including Mark Heap, Paul Kaye, Stephanie Cole, Helena Bonham-Carter, Miranda Richardson and even Jarvis Cocker.  I'm a big fan of Mark Heap who just manages to deliver his officious lines as Mr.Thomas in a way that hints subtly at something dark, something with menacing undertones. 

I'm not a big fan of creepy movies in general, so I was glad that the second story was much more to my liking.  The central character is a struggling hobbyist property developer trying to renovate and sell the house as a recession begins to bite.  Anthroporphised animals doing human things is stock in trade for animated movies and this one pulls it off extremely well.  It leans hard into the weird rather than creepy and there is a moment that reminded me of the Whoopi Goldberg movie The Telephone which brought a wry smile.  

The third act was even better and definitely an homage to both Wes Anderson's animated work with shades of Studio Ghibli thrown in for good measure.  It was a great way to end what were three very different tales about this mysterious house and the people who live in it. 

There's a gem of an RPG plot in there as well.  It would be very interesting to play a game where the location stays the same but you play different descendents of your character throughout time.  Sort of how they reused the set of Nerva Beacon in the epic Dr Who stories Ark in Space / Revenge of the Cybermen story.   

If you can get past the first act then you will enjoy this.

Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)

Karen Gillan and Lena Heady team up in this brutal comic book style assassination story.  It feels like it was based on a comic book in the same way as Guns Akimbo or Polar, but this is an original story from the pens of Navot Papushado and Ehud Lavski.

Very stylishly shot, with heavy 50s come 80s pop culture palette this movie leans heavily into dramatic cinematography.  Paul Giamatti is seen once again as a menacing crime boss (I loved his role in Shoot'em Up) and I absolutely loved the Librarian characters played by Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino.  In fact I've been a massive fan of Angela Bassett since I first watched the dystopian sci-fi movie Strange Days which has to be one of the best cyberpunk movies of them all.  

This movie is popcorn fare of the highest order, a classic tale of the hitman who hits the wrong man and then gets thrown to the wolves.  Very enjoyable if you are a fan of violent gun movies like Hard Boiled, John Wick or Nobody.  Karen Gillan performs adequately but when she shares the screen with real acting talent she just doesn't dominate the screen.  Intensity is the name of the game here and she just doesn't burn as bright as her co-stars.  Ralph Inneson also does a good turn as Jim Mcalester.

Meanwhile in Mega City One - Prog 1: Rolling with the Rookies

Meanwhile in Mega City One is a roleplaying game which takes place every Friday Night at Dragons Keep Roleplay Club in Chislehurst, South East London.  Games Master is Tony

Cast

• Judge Cully - A no-nonsense female street judge with a penchant for heavy weapons - Kat
• Judge Krush - A hard as nails street judge who goes by the book - Steve
• Judge Swiss - A rookie street Judge - Alex
  
• Psi Judge Pike - A Psi Division rookie Judge - Connor
  

Rookie Patrol

Wednesday morning, like any other morning, starts with the 9am briefing.  Watch Commander Judge Belloch is a grizzled veteran of the streets which took one of his legs many years back.

He quickly assigns the new rookie judges, Swiss and Psi Judge Pike to the seasoned veterans Cully and Krush and continues his briefing...

"Don Ookie was released from the zoo yesterday and the jungle partied all night, it was bananas untill the early hours of this morning.  We don't expect those boys to be up to any monkey business for a few days whilst they sleep it off, but keep your eyes peeled.

Weather control claims they've fixed the system so expect a regulation rain shower at 11am.  

Fingers crossed this is going to be a quiet day but stay frosty and get out there and lay down the law"

Cully, Krush, Pike and Swiss head to the motor pool and pick up their bikes.  One of the Tek Judges tells the rookies

"We've given you 20 minuters a couple of old girls.  Nice and reliable but ready for retirement if you know what I mean.  Bring yourselves back in one piece and we'll give you some fresh metal tomorrow."

Outside Heavenly Havens

As the Judges cruise North along Duke Street they spot a couple of juves wearing Heavens Angel duds giving an umpty candy machine some percussive maintenance.  A Scrawlo-gon bot is busy cleaning some fresh script from a nearby wall whistling a cheery tune.

The patrol pulls their bikes over next to the juves and Swiss orders the shifty looking pair to stop right there.  Cully and Krush spot the older Juve with his hand around a bulge in his pocket.  Pike dismounts and approaches psychically probing the pair.  The older juve's mind is a mess of emotions, he doesn't want to go back to the cubes and he bolts for it.  Pike gives chase on foot shouting at him to stop.  The younger juve spots an opportunity for escape and runs across the road.

The Judges encounter some Juves up to no good outside Heavenly Havens

Cully guns her bike along the pedway ahead of the fleeing juve and slides her bike to a stop blocking the pavement.  The hapless punk careens into the Law Master and flips over the front wheel but rolls to his feet and continues to run.  Krush takes aim and shoots the perp in the back and calmly parks the front wheel of his bike on the perps leg.  

"You are going nowhere punk"

Swiss dismounts and tries to rugby tackle the fleeing juve but his leap is short and the punk slips through his fingers.

Cully chases him down on her bike and flips the trigger of her bike cannon.  

"Budda, Budda, Budda, Budda" booms the twin cannon and a hail of 20mm shells sparks off the tarmacrete roadway.  

A red ToyoFord sedan swerves to avoid the punk and careens onto the pavement narowly missing a fatty pedestrian and Judge Swiss.  It crashes into the wall of Heavenly Havens with a sickening crunch.

The Juve breaks down and drops to his knees.  Swiss picks him up and cuffs him to a nearby holding post.  Cully checks on the driver of the sedan but the seat is empty, the two young juves in school uniforms are bouncing excitedly on the rear seats.  "Again, Again" they shout.  Judge Cully pulls them out of the smoking wreck and gets their names.  Angus and Cliff Dimple were on their way to school and they give the Judge a crumbled emergency contact card.  Cully dials the number and an out of breath woman answers

What have they done now? Can't you see I'm busy! I'm in a yoga class for the next 30 minutes and slams down the phone.  She has no other option but to call child services and cuff them both to the holding post for their own safety.  

Krush rolls his tyre off the perp and Pike flips him over.  The GP round made a mess of his chest cavity.  "Call in a meat wagon Rookie"  

The observant Scrawlo-bot spots the potential biohazard and begins to cordon off the scene in hazard tape.

The fattie stands there absent mindedly munching on a muncebar when Swiss spots the small collection of wrappers at his feet.  

"That's six months in the cube for littering fatso!"  

Their radio crackles into life.  "All units.  Roadjackers on hover boards spotted on Meg 355 in the vicinity of Heavenly Havens and Duke Street."  The patrol answers the call and they head out.

Surfing Meg 355

As the patrol comes down the onramp they spot the perps.  5 sky surfers with an armed passenger each weaving among the traffic.

Sky Surfing Road Raiders try to hi-jack a CHOO2 Tanker

They swiftly intercept and manage to prevent them from getting to their target, a CHOO2 tanker.  Swiss boards the tanker and manages to see off two of the raiders whilst the others take on small arms fire.  The Judges execute their powers of arrest with extreme prejudice in order to prevent an even larger catastrophe occurring.

The raiders are thwarted but there are signifigant civilian casualties and collateral damage to several vehicles and the megway.

The patrol spends the rest of their day cleaning up the mess and informing next of kin before returning to the sector house. 

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