Saturday 4 February 2017

Exit Stage Left - TLOD S07 E02

The 500 strong mob bayed for blood, and Jan the Sell Sword complied by slashing the magically restrained Murdoch cleanly across the face.  The spell wore off and clasping at his ragged throat in an attempt to stem the flow of blood, Murdoch slumped face down in the dirt gurgling "Mercy Sir, Mercy!"


An Aarakocra
On the stage, Bernhardt the Chosen of The Temple, screamed at his two acolytes "For the Gods sake help him you idiots".  Sir Tarigoz closed in on the nearest cleric, Grunb, and at sword point told him to stop.  Grunb responded swiftly, casting a sound blast spell right in Tarigoz's face.  The Knight of the 5th Legion was not phased by this but the sheer intensity of the spell made him step backwards, lose his footing on the edge of the stage and tumble off.  The other acolyte Penryk hurried across to the stairs at the right hand side of the stage to get to Murdoch. 

Having released the winged Deamon from the cross, Nyx, Styx, Laurel and the creature hid behind the stage contemplating their next move.  Escape.

Watching the trial by combat from the edge of the circle, Wulf Brundson, seethed with fury at this clerical interference in a lawful trial by combat.  The Euborean Barbarian could not let this religious interloper change the outcome of the battle with a healing spell and so proceeded to block Penryk's progress down the stairs.  The mob shoved him into the circle and screamed "another challenger".   As Grunb leered over the edge of the stage laughing at the fallen Knight, Sir Tarigoz jumped to his feet and plunged his bastard sword into the clerics belly.  Grunb tumbled off the stage impaling himself up to the hilt on Tarigoz's outstretched sword.  It took all of the Knight's strength not to crumble under the weight of the cleric and he briefly held him aloft before unceremoniously dumping him to the dirt.  The crowd recoiled in shock and horror at the sight of one of the God's chosen being righteously put down by the Kingsman.  This day would go down in village history and the God's would surely wreak a vengeance upon the Kingsman for such a bold act.

The spell holding Ssinkar wore off and he immediately moved towards the fallen Murdoch.  The Salamankari was a cleric not a fighter and he had no intention of letting the poor man die at his hand.  Grasping at this throat with his scaly hands, he stopped the flow of blood with a healing spell.  Murdoch immediately cried out in pain as the opportunist Jan the Sell Sword stabbed him in the arm.  Murdoch scrabbled through the dirt towards the foot of the stage.


Hoping that they could find bandages and supplies in one of the empty village buildings, the Phylus sisters Nyx and Styx and Laurel, carried the winged daemon to the nearest one.  Once inside the Absent Badger tavern, they found that it was was empty save for one odd looking old man face down in his own puddle of mead.

Trying not to disturb the fellow, the sisters hauled the daemon onto one of the tables at the back of the bar and tended to his wounds.  The old man immediately awoke from his slumber and asked "Has he finished torturing that poor Aarakocra yet?"  The near sighted old man introduced himself as Asdos and with a wave of his hands and a mumbling of words cast a spell.  Laurel went to the bar to fetch a bottle of strong spirits to staunch the Aarakocra's many small cuts and bruises.  When looking at the rest of the party she noticed that they had disappeared, she could still hear them but could not hear them.  Moving over to the table she passed through some form of illusory barrier which hid that end of the room from view.


Tarigoz mounted the stage and as he passed the now empty cross he confronted Bernhardt telling him that he had lost a fair fight and he should stop this travesty.  Bernhardt, unaware of the deamon's escape, addressed the crowd and flamboyantly pointing at the empty cross screamed "The kingsman is in league with the demon"


The crowd, enthralled by the red faced cleric noticed the empty cross and retorted in unison

"The Deamon has fucked off!"

Bernhardt's face dropped as the realisation that he had lost dawned on him.  He screamed at the crowd "Halt the combat! Halt the combat! Return to your homes and defend your babies! The Deamon is loose!.
As the mob disbursed in all directions, Bernhard gathered his injured men and taunted the Knight of Wulfschlossen defiantly cursing

"This isn't the last you've heard of this Kingsman.  I will be writing a report of your treasonous conduct to your superiors."
They clambered into a cart and drove off in the direction of the Temple.
Some of the villagers decided to quench their thirst in the tavern before they went home to their farms.  Inside The Absent Badger, the mage Asdos declared that it was "Time to go" and opened the window behind him and ushered everyone out.  They headed across the fields to the hovel in the woods he called home.
Jan, Ssinkar, Wulf and Sir Tarigoz found themselves alone in the village square, they decided to band together to search for the Deamon and get to the bottom of what it was and why it was here.  Wulf's tracking skills soon revealed that a party of three had dragged the creature in the direction of the village tavern.  On entering the bar the locals immediately stopped their raucous conversations and glared at the strangers.  Ssinkar plonked 10 gold on the bar and declared "A drink for all".  The barkeep bit into one of the coins and exclaimed "The red devil's money is good".  This immediately broke the awkward impasse with shouts of "he has  scales on the outside but a kind heart on the inside".  As the illusory wall spell wore off, Jan noticed the suddenly gaping window with blood and feathers coating the window ledge. 

The posse of PCs swiftly downed their drinks and began following the tracks from the window, which had now become 5, across the fields towards the woods which Tarigoz knew was the home of the mage Asdos.  He contemplated that Fate was a strange mistress and was hard at work weaving together a strange band of folk to do her mysterious bidding.

In the mage's hovel, the assembled group crowded around his small stove, the Aarakocra told them that he was a messenger sent to find help.  His people were being systematically wiped out by an angry vicious Cloud Giant.  He was moving his cloud castle around the mountains destroying the AaraKocran nests and slaughtering their chicks.  The shaman of his tribe had consulted the Sky Gods who had flatly  refused to aid them, but for one renegade who said that he would send his daughter, Laurel.  The Sky Gods promptly moved their crystal castle higher into the sky than any Aarakocra could fly.

Sensing that the group were not entirely convinced that preventing the genocide of his people was a worthy and heroic enough deed he declared "I have money!!"

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Friday 3 February 2017

Why Who Plays Who? Doesn't Matter

So Peter Capaldi has thrown in the towel, been fired, resigned (delete as applicable) and will regenerate at the end of series.  The search for the 11th doctor will inevitably consume the nation (if you listen to the pundits), but not this little corner of geekdom. 

To be honest, I don't care.

I have every faith that whichever actor gets the job, be they young, old, black, white, male or female, dog or cat, they will do a bang up job.  IMHO it is not the actor which makes a great Doctor, rather it tends to be the other way around.  The role maketh the actor.

What concerns me more is that the BBC gives whoever takes on the mantle the proper tools for the job.

Falling Ratings?


Some of the gutterpress have accused the BBC of ditching Capaldi, claiming he is unpopular and that ratings have suffered.  I disagree. 

Nu Who By The Numbers


Looking at the ratings of each Doctor across their time in office, their relative popularity doesn't hint at anything terribly wrong with Capaldi's stewardship of the TARDIS.

In fact he has racked up a creditable episode count over his 855 days and still has season 10 yet to air.

Dr Who Stats
 
However, the big fat elephant in the room is the increase in "Days Without Who".

Put simply there has been too much time between seasons/episodes.

In a Newsweek interview back in March 2016, Capaldi himself criticised the BBC's "erratic scheduling".  Helmsman Stephen Moffat also moves on at the end of the year which signals a sea change at the BBC.  Perhaps they are scaling back on expensive shows such as Who and replacing them with cheap as chips reality TV which they can regurgitate out at pennies on the dollar.  Who knows?

What I know is that I'm fed up with mid season breaks and long hiatuses.

No More Love interests... Please


Whilst I enjoyed the Rose, Amy and Clara characters I found their on/off relationships with the Doctor nauseating.

Can we not go back to the condescending alien superiority of old Who?.  It's not a feminist backlash, I don't care if the companion is male or female.  Let's face it everyone is a complete idiot compared to the Doctor's supragenius mind.  One of my favourite male companions was Harry Sullivan who on many levels was a complete berk, but he knew his place, acting as both a plot device or a plot explainer whenever the story needed it.

My favourite female Doctor / Companion relationship was that of the Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) and Leela (Louise Jameson).  The Doctor's frequent frustration and anger at her savage common sense, naivete and independent nature were a joy to behold.  She held her own on many occasions and even reversed the damsel in distress trope a few times saving the Doctor from his own curiosity.

How Do You Fix Who?

I don't want to sound like an old fogey, but the golden years of Who had a plot template and it's one which I have used in my own storytelling.  It goes like this:

1.  Episode begins with a short segment to show the episodes location and shows two factions violently trying to co-exist with each other.  The two antagonistic factions have been in impasse for many years / decades / centuries / millenia.

2.  The TARDIS crashlands in a new location and is somehow trapped or disabled (removing its use as a powerful Deus Ex Machina from the plot solution).  The Doctor and companion narrowly escape with their lives and must now use their wits and ingenuity to survive.

3.  The Doctor and Companion are soon seperated, one each to each faction.  The story of each faction emerges (as told from their perspective) through their interactions with the Doctor and the companion respectively.

4.  An Attack is launched by one faction against the other.  There is much running around and confusion during which the Doctor and companion are reunited and seperated again.  They swap sides and, armed with the facts about the other faction, a true picture emerges of which faction is Good and which is Evil.

5.  The Doctor and companion are finally reunited and the Doctor saves the day by either resolving their differences, helping one side defeat the other or fails to save the Evil faction from their own demise.  

Simples.

Let's hope that the BBC take the opportunity to go back to basics and give us some good old fashioned scarey thought provoking tense sci-fi like they used to be able to make.

Oh and if Toby Jones or Rory Kinnear get the job I will be a happy man.