The Vast of Night - A Spooky Tale in 50s America

With a dearth of hollywood movies being made in 2020 thanks to COVID-19, the discerning sci-fi fan has had to look high and low on the streaming services to satisfy their need for entertainment.

One such lockdown sleeper I discovered was The Vast of Night (2019) available to rent on Amazon. 

 

Everett and Fay listen to the mysterious story of former soldier Bill

Through the premise of a "Twilight Zone" style television the viewer is transported to the rural New Mexico town of Cayuga in the late 1950s.  Using fly-on-the wall cinematography we follow our protagonists Everet Sloan (Jake Horowitz), a local radio DJ, and high schoolgirl Fay Crocker (Sierra McCormick) as they move around town trying to piece together the story of mysterious and spooky goings on.

The Midnight Hour DJ style of this tale reminds me very much of the excellent animation The Kirlian Frequencies (2017) and of course the classic Kolchak: The Nightstalker (1972)

Much of the detail of the story is delivered through intense monologue where your attention hangs on every word and sound.  The acting is top notch from the entire cast and you are immediately engaged with their story.  Pacing is excellent with just enough "action" to give you that sense of urgency and panic that there is genuine fear going through their minds.

All in all a fantastic little low budget movie with a well handled finale which some Hollywood directors could learn from. 

Arena - Futuristic Boxing in Space

Browsing through YouTube can be a dangerous game, particularly when you find a trove of old Sci-Fi and Fantasy B Movies

Arena (1989)

I distinctly remember the cover of this B-movie budget space Rocky calling to me from the shelves of Blockbuster video back in the day.  It wasn't a contender for my attention then, but in the middle of the COVID-19 lockdown, frankly I can't think of any good excuse to not watch it.

The story is a simple one our hero Steve Armstrong, (Paul Satterfield) is a young kid with a talent for boxing had dreams of becoming a professional fighter and bought a one way ticket to starstation the home of the biggest fights in the Galaxy, The Arena.  A year later his dream is shattered and he spends his days as a short order cook in a fast food joint run by his boss the four armed alien Shorty (Hamilton Camp).

A chance brawl with a customer turns into a job offer from promoter Quinn (Claudia Christian) and a trial in the Arena.  However, Steve is the only human in 50 years to fight in the Arena against aliens and he is hopelessly outmatched.  Can he face impossible odds and become a contender?

Aliens, so many Aliens

The budget on this movie was pretty slim but they spent it wisely on a cavalcade of monster makeup.  It makes the cantena scene in Star Wars look like 2 men and a dog.  There is so much variety it really makes you feel like the Galaxy is teeming with alien species of all shapes and sizes.

The downside of this is of course that they spent all the money on monster makeup and next to nothing on writers, special effects, models etc.  The list goes on. 

The Director in me says "what the hell if I'm making Rocky in Space how much script do I need and this is pretty much what director Peter Manoogian must have though too.  He does his best and to be honest there are some great moments, in particular when they do an inventive visual gag based on Shorty's four arms.

Claudia Christian (Ivanova in Bablylon 5) is her usual classy self and Armin Shimerman (Quark in DS9) also does a respectable turn as the henchman Weezil who is aided in his master plan by the duplicitous alien cyborg skull (William Butler).  It's worth sticking this one out to see what happens to this guy.

It was Acceptable in the 80s

To be honest this wasn't as bad as the terrible video cover art had me believe.  The only truly excrutiating part was having to listen to the truly awful songs of futuristic cabaret star Jade (Shari Shattuck).  It's a relatively engaging story if a little cliched as we follow Steve's career reach its climax with the big fight against six time champion Horn (Michael Deak), a drug fuelled half robot half horned devil beast.

Give it a go, there are honestly worse things you can with 90 minutes of your life.

Schwarzenegger and Chan Team up in Weird Wuxia Fantasy

The Mystery of the Dragon Seal (also known as The Iron Mask) is the sequel to 2014's utterly bonkers Forbidden Empire. 

Watch it on
Amazon Prime

Directed by Oleg Stepchenko this is a bizarre mix of Russian creativity and Chinese money which results in a visually sumptuous affair.  Immaculatly dressed sets, fantastic wire work and a half decent storyline make this an engaging watch.

Set in the mid 1700s, Jason Flemyng reprises his role as hapless cartographer and adventurer Jonathan Green who, having survived the supernatural monsters of Transylvannia, has made it to the court of Peter the First of Russia.  Having previously met the Tsar when he visited London, Green is eager to present the map he has made for the him and hopefully be richly rewarded for his efforts. 

However, Green immediately spots that an imposter sits on the throne of Russia and he is summarily thrown in jail where he meets the Cheng Lan, daughter of kung fu master Jackie Chan.

Pigeon post correspondence with his betrothed Miss Dudley is intercepted by the real Tsar who is currently imprisoned in the Tower of London alongside Jackie Chan.  They return a pigeon and the whole story starts to pick up pace thanks to some political influence from her father (Charles Dance).

Enter unlikely prison warden and history buff James Hook (Captain Hook?) played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.  He seems to spend a lot of his screen time in a weird Ultimate Fighting American Ninja Death Match ring where prisoners have to beat him in combat and climb to the top of a ladder to win their freedom.

I don't want to spoil it for you so I will leave the spoilers there.  I will say one last thing though, Rutger Haur has a fleeting cameo.

What Did I think?

I have never been a fan of movies where you can literally feel the influence of the producers.  Arnie was an executive producer and it feels like his segments are overly long and drawn out because he is in control.  There is a nagging sense of direction by committee about this movie.

The multi-national cast means that the movie is dubbed entirely in English and badly at times even when the English cast are talking you can see that sections have been redubbed to change dialogue.  I'm guessing that the intention from the getgo is to sell this movie to as many different territories as possible with their own local dubbed version so lipsync is going to be an issue no matter who watches it.  Welcome to the real world of modern global cinema.  

Whilst this is immensely fun and a much better than the original movie in colour palette consistency and delivery it is no wuxia masterpiece like Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame.

An enjoyable watch if you don't think too hard.

The Empire Strikes Back is 40 Today

My Star Wars relationship began with The Empire Strikes Back.



Whilst I am assured that I was taken to see Starwars at the tender age of 4, I don't really have any recollection of the actual trip to the movie.  However, I spent days watching and rewatching a VHS copy of the movie which had been taped from a Yorkshire Television broadcast one christmas, complete with The Two Ronnies advertising the Atari 2600.

The summer holiday highlight that year was going to the cinema in Filey to see the movie.  I had already been primed as a few days earlier I had begged for a copy of the comicbook novel.  I won't go into detail about what a mind blowing experience that was.  Later that year I got a couple of action figures (the only ones I ever owned).

Comic Paperback

Han Solo Hoth

IG-88

2000AD Fan Films - Judge Minty, Strontium Dog and Rogue Trooper

Looks like we are going to have to wait a while for the new Mega City TV Show and the Duncan Jones Rogue Trooper movie.

In the meantime we can sit back, relax and watch the following fan made films:

Judge Minty



Search & Destroy - A Strontium Dog Story



Rogue Trooper: The Quartz Massacre

Star Wars Day 2020 - May The Fourth Be With You!

This years #StarWarsDay finds us in lockdown and whilst The New Trilogy is still a festering sore in it's cinematic legacy there is still much to be celebrated.

 Enjoy your holiday and fill yourself with A New Hope.

Anarchy in Your D&D...

... and other popular types of government.

Anarchy - A society without a publicly enforced government or political authority.  This can be a natural, temporary result of civil war in a country, when an established state has been destroyed and the region is in a transitional period without definitive leadership.  

Fictional Example: Mad Max 2 (George Miller) - 1982 saw the return of Max Rockatansky and in the intervening years what was left of civilation has fully descended into anarchy.  What passes for government is either the gang rules of the Lord Humungus' Marauders or the commune style democracy led by Pappagallo. 

Max doesn't fit neatly into either of these camps and only agrees to fight alongside the travellers because his car is held hostage.  In the original script Pappagallo was the CEO of 7 Sisters Petroleum and  interestingly some of the marauders appear to be ex cops, although it is not explicitely referenced.

Autocracy - A system of government in which supreme power (social and political) is concentrated in the hands of one person or polity, whose decisions are subject to neither external legal restraints nor regularized mechanisms of popular control.  Autocracy has a nasty habit of turning into a dictatorship without appropriate impartial oversight or scrutiny.  Revolution and assassination tends to be the only outcome for these leaders.

Fictional Example: Ankhmorpork Discworld (Terry Pratchett).  Despite the "sharing" of power with the Guilds, the city is governed through a system of one man, one vote - the Patrician being the "one man" in question.  The best portrayal of Lord Vetinari can be found in the Sky mini series "Going Postal".  Charles Dance's performance is a masterclass in veiled menace and manipulation of Machiavellian proportions.

Matriarchy - Not so much a form of Government but a is a social system in which women hold the primary power positions in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property.

Fictional Example:  Memory of Earth (Orson Scott Card)  In the first book of the Homecoming Harmony series we are introduced to the matriarchal society of Basilica.  All property is owned by the women and many of them hold high ranking positions within the government and academia.   Despite this being OSC's "Book of Mormon" I am quite fond of the concept of the oversoul and how it controls what technology is allowed to be invented to essentially prevent the warlike tendencies of humanity.

Plutocracy - Rule by the wealthy; a system wherein governance is indebted to, dependent upon or heavily influenced by the desires of the rich. Arguably every government is financed by plutocrats, as the saying goes "He who has the money makes the rules".  When the rules are made by the rich, who do you think reaps the greatest benefit? Oh it's the rich, funny that...

Fictional Example:  Game of Thrones (George R R Martin)  Technically this is a feudal monarchy with the various lords of the Seven Kingdoms being appointed by ruling King.  The position of the King is largely decided by the person with the biggest standing army or banners pledged to their house.  Financing this support comes from key houses such as the Lannisters and the Tyrells in exchange for grace and favour. 

Unfortunately the War of the Five Kings leads to Tyrwin Lannister becoming massively indebted to the Iron Bank of Braavos and when that line of credit dries up Cersei must turn to Euron Greyjoy to help her in the final battle for the Iron Throne.  Once again the stand out performances always come from Charles Dance as he pulls the strings, until he gets ignominiously shot by his son Tyrion whilst on the toilet.

Stratocracy - Rule by military service; a system of governance composed of military government in which the state and the military are traditionally or constitutionally the same entity. Citizens with mandatory or voluntary active military service or who have been honorably discharged have the right to govern.  

Fictional Example: Starship Troopers (Robert Heinlein).  "Service guarantees Citizenship" was the oft quoted line in the Mobile Infantry recruitment ads.  Johnny Rico's rich parents both want him to go to Harvard.  When they are both killed in the Buenos Aires meteor bombardment it only fuels Johnny's desire to do his bit for the war effort.

Technocracy - Rule by the educated or technical experts; a system of governance where people who are skilled or proficient govern in their respective areas of expertise in technology would be in control of all decision making.  In fantasy fiction Technology would of course be replaced by Magic. 

Fictional Example: The Rift War Saga (Raymond E Feist).  Whilst all Tsurani are governed by the Emperor along the lines of a Feudal system, the Assembly of Magicians stands apart from the law and no magician can be compelled by any non magician.

Which just leaves...

Idiocracy - When a US Army cryogenics experiment goes wrong Private Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson) and Rita (Maya Rudolph) awake in a nightmare future. Americans have devolved into idiots ruled by an ex Wrestler President Camacho (Terry Crews) and they are the most intelligent people in society by default.  I just love the craziness of this movie.

The Dark Valley - An Austrian Cowboy Movie, WTF?

Well that's what I thought initially but being the self confessed fan of European cinema (and my missus being a cowboy movie fan) I thought "What the heck, I'll give this a go".

Dark Valley (2014)

Directed by Andreas Prochaska (Dead in 3 Days), "Das Finstere Tal" is set towards the end of the 19th century in a village in the Austrian Alps.  Sam Riley (Maleficent, Byzantium) is Greider, a lone rider, who enters the eponymous valley in search of shelter from the approaching winter.

The villagers are a bedraggled bunch of peasants who are kept firmly at heel by their self appointed leader and protector Brenner (Hans Michael Rehberg) and his six sons.  Nothing happens in the valley without their approval and Brenner makes all the laws, including reviving the barbaric feudal custom of Droit du Seigneur.

Greider tells the Brenner boys that he's a photographer recently returned from America keen to document the valley, so they let him stay.  It's not long before the first of them meets a grisly end and Greider's real motive for entering the valley is revealed... Revenge!

Whilst the acting is convincing enough, the real star of the movie is of course the scenery and the cinematography of Thomas Kienast, ably assisted by Mathhias Weber's cold and haunting soundtrack.  Filmed in Val Senales, Italy during heavy snow, they manage to paint a beautiful yet sinister backdrop against which Greidel and the Brenner family's stories unfold.  It's so chilling it makes the nine walkers trip through Redhorn Pass look a Snow Day. 

Well worth a look if you fancy something a bit different. 

Astropia - RPG Advocacy in movies

Last night caught me flicking through the free movie content on my WD TV Live, where I stumbled across a Norwegian language film called Astropia.  Also known as Dorks & Damsels it was an indie film released in 2007. Given the subject matter, it was surprising that I'd never heard of it, but I've had good experiences with Norwegian films in the past so thought I'd give it a go.    

aka Dorks & Damsels

In a plot borrowed heavily from the classics such as "Oliver" and "Pygmalion", socialite Hildur (Ragnhildur Steinunn Jónsdóttir), is living the life of a minor celebrity when her wealthy boyfriend Jolli, a shady car dealer, is suddenly arrested and jailed.  The confused society girl is thrown out of her home and hounded by the paparazzi, so goes to live with her sister Bjort and 10 year old Nephew Snorri.

She struggles to complete even the most basic tasks and come to terms with her new station in life when, by chance, she lands a job at "Astropia" the local "Nerd Store" as their RPG salesperson.  She knows nothing about roleplaying and her colleagues and customers are initially hostile until she joins her first game session run by store owner Goggi.  

RPG portrayals in mainstream media fall squarely into two camps for me, you're either condescendingly laughing at the nerds (Big Bang Theory) or knowingly laughing with the nerds (Robot Chicken) and this one falls squarely into the latter.  In fact the only condescending character in the movie is the villain Jolli and although Hildur is treated with a bit of suspicion and sexism by her co-workers, she wins them over quite quickly.

The movie does a good job of parodying some of the stereotypical nerd subdivisions and there are some great little moments like DVD salesman Floki trying to sending young Norri off home with copies of "The Exorcist" and "The Shining" as educational movies.

Importantly this movie has has an engaging convential plot centered around Hilda's and Jolli's abusive relationship.  It does a great job of portraying the members of the games group as odd, but likeable and fully functioning adults and the "normal" people as monsters.  The use of LARP costume action is sparing, but serves as an effective mind's eye view inside a game session and is sympathetic.  It explains the core functions of characters and GM well and demonstrates how RPGs have the power to unlock imaginations and how people can often have surprising hidden talents or skills and the determined Hildur also manages to knock some of the sexism for six in her first session.

If you don't mind watching subtitled movies this is definitely well worth a look and I'd definitelty recommend it to anyone trying to explain RPGs to a non playing partner or friend.

Revisiting Teenage Mutant Horror Comet Zombies

Had some down time last week and decided to revisit one of those 80s movies which I raved about after seeing it on Alex Cox's "Moviedrome".  For me it was seminal TV and regularly showed cult movies I had heard of but never seen.  Good Times.

They Came They Shopped They Saved The World

"Night of the Comet" (or as it was known in the UK "Teenage Mutant Horror Comet Zombies") was a relatively low budget (£3million) sci-fi movie released in 1984.  Written and directed by Thom Eberhardt it stars Catherine Mary Stewart (Weekend at Bernie's) and Kelli Maroney (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) as Regina and Samantha, as sassy valley girl sisters who end up missing out on the greatest spectacle of their lives, a comet passing Earth.  Does this sound familiar? (Day of The Triffids anyone...)

When morning comes they discover that everyone they ever knew is missing and a dusty red smog has filled the air.  Enter Robert Beltran (ST Voyager's Chakotay) as Hector, the mexican truck driver, an unlikely but entertaining hero who tries to help the girls come to terms with the new world order.

Meanwhile the saviours of humanity in the form of a bunch of "Apocalypse Nuts" led by Geoffrey Lewis are emerging from their underground bunker to start afresh by gathering up all the survivors.

Without giving anything away it's an entertaining slice of 80s L.A. teen culture, deely boppers, rampant consumerism and zombies.  It's got a few great one liners like "Daddy would have gotten us Uzi's" and "The legal drinking is ten... but you will need ID, lets be real".  The two girls are the absolute stars and strong female characters are hard to come by in any post apocalypse movie.

Great inspiration particularly in the case of the two strong female characters, and as a genre setting for an apocalyptic game when you're bored with "The Walking Dead",

Mad Max 4 - Fury Road Comic-Con Trailer

There's only one word for it...


Awesome!!!!!!!

Retroblasting Explain the Evolution of Adventure Heroes

I'm a big fan of the Adventure Hero / Pulp genre of 80s films like Indiana Jones, Goonies and even Romancing the Stone and I've always know that their origins lay in the Saturday matinee serials of the 20s and 30s.

But for those of you who love the genre and want to know more, here's an interesting video taken at Pensacon 2014 where the Retroblasting team (Melinda Moch and Michael French) explain the history and influences behind them.


I'm going to look at Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom in a different light now. 

Movie Watch: The Brass Teapot

I love indie films, they can often get away with things that Hollywood wouldn't or couldn't get through its exhaustive audience testing process.   

The Brass Teapot is one such film, it's essentially a morality tale disguised as a comedy with a supernatural focus in the form of a magical teapot which gives you money in exchange for pain.

The tale follows the likeable, but struggling young couple, Juno Temple (Atonement, Killer Joe) and Michael Angarano (The Forbidden Kingdom, Sky High) who discover a magical, money producing teapot and set about using it to change their lives.  The pair are likeable although a little stereotypical, and are surrounded by a plethora of family, friends and enemies who are all exploited by the pair as they gradually fall under the spell of the teapot. 

Add in the pair of Jewish grandsons and the strange Chinese Professor of Antiquity who both know the true power of the teapot and things turn comically dark. 

What's in it for role players

Well obviously it's the magic teapot.  I loved the way the story of this cursed item played out for the couple and it would pose a challenge to any greedy character in your game.   Essentially the teapot rewards you financially in exchange for experiencing pain but the longer you use the teapot more it's power grows, and it moves on to the next stage of its reward structure.

• Stage 1: Accidental Injury to oneself. 
• Stage 2: Self Inflicted Injury
• Stage 3: Injury inflicted by another
• Stage 4: Injury to a stranger
• Stage 5: Injury of a friend
• Stage 6: Death of a stranger
• Stage 7: Death of a friend
• Stage 8: Death of a thousand
• Stage 9: Death of a town
• Stage 10: Death of a Nation
• Stage 11: Death of a species or race.

I'd make sure that it was found as a side treasure in a tomb and be pretty but mundane looking, either functional or at best semi-valuable, so as not to become an instant trade. 

Have the items power hidden for a time and only revealed to one or two characters (preferably a thief) who can keep a secret.  Allowing them to gradually discover the teapot's secret should add some interesting side story to your party.  As the owner becomes blasé about using the teapot's power, it should start paying less, or stop altogether.  They won't get a similar payout again until they find a new way of causing pain, which could be fun in it's own way.

Enjoy...

Ray Harryhausen Appreciation Blogfest

Thanks to RJ at Gamers & Grognards for suggesting the idea of a blogfest as a great way to honour the passing of one of the greatest cinematic geniuses of our time, Ray Harryhausen.

Some of my earliest memories were sat infront of the TV watching classic monster movies, it was here that I discovered Sinbad and the tales of far flung Arabia.  Of course none of this would have caught my imagination if it weren't for the terrifying duels between man and monster cooked up by the genius animator that was Ray Harryhausen.  It must have rewired my brain somewhat as my favourite setting for D&D has always been Al-Quadim.

Last night I decided to rewatch...

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger

The first monster Sinbad (Patrick Wayne) encounters are the fire demons (Harryhausen's storyboard maintains they are ghouls) conjured from the flames of their campfire as they celebrate ending their return to the city.  These insect headed animated corpses  see off most of Sinbad's crewmates before he crushes them with an inexplicably placed pile of huge logs.

Fire Demons emerge from the camp fire ready to attack

Sinbad tries to return to his boat and encounters the beautiful Princess Farah (Jane Seymore) brother to Prince Kassim who has recently been turned into a baboon by his step mother the Evil Witch Queen, Zenobia (Margaret Whiting) in order to retain the throne for her own son.

Farah then introduces her Uncle Balsora who pleads with Sinbad to aid them by returning Kassim to his true form.  We get introduced to the transformed Kassim as his cage is being loaded onto Sinbad's ship.

Prince Kassim is a pretty mean Chess player

Meanwhile Zenobia, discovering that Sinbad aims to sail to the island of Cascar to seek the aid of the sage Melanthis and constructs The Minaton, a Bronze Golem, to act as her bodyguard, henchman and the oarsman for her marvelous ship without sails.

The Minaton has the strength of 6 men

The Minaton is a really iconic creature  and one of my favourite Harryhausen creations.  Interestingly I discovered that Peter Mayhew (aka Chewbacca) acted as the stand-in during filming, the model Minaton was added later by Harryhausen during post production.

As they leave in pursuit of Sinbad, Zenobia instructs the Minaton to see off Balsora's spies.  The automaton wordlessly obeys, capsizing their boat and skewering their leader.

Sinbad successfully negotiates the treacherous reefs which surround Cascar and meets with Melanthius (Patrick Troughton) discovering that the only way to return Kassim to his true form is to travel to the fabled Shrine of the Four Elements hidden in a green valley in the frozen North of Hyborea.

Zenobia's attempts to navigate the reef fares less well and the ships metal oars aredamaged in the process.  She is thwarted again when Sinbad's ship sets sail whilst her son is still making good the repairs.  In desperation she uses a magic potion to transform herself into a seagul so she can learn of Sinbad's plans.  Unfortunately she is captured by Melanthius who also discovers the amulet containing her transformation potion and uses it to enlarge a wasp to monstrous size.

Melathius fends of a giant wasp whilst the imprisoned Zenobia goads it.

In the chaos Zenobia's glass jar prison is knocked off the table and she makes good her escape, once more transorming her into a seagul and she flees back to her ship.  As bad guys go she has no luck at all however and the remaining potion is not enough to fully transform her back into her human form and she is stuck with a bird like right foot.

When they reach Hyborea Sinbad forgoes the ice tunnel and opts to travel across land.  His party encounter a Giant Walrus which further whittles down his crew.

Sinbad and crew fight off a Giant Walrus

Their journey continues to the temperate valley where they encounter a friendly giant horned troglodyte who shows them the way to the entrance mouth of the valley.

Dione befriends the Troglodyte

Zenobia arrives at the ice tunnel and the current draws them towards a jetty.  This short-cut is the first piece of fortune which goes Zenobia's way and she arrives at the pyramid Shrine of the Four Elements ahead of Sinbad.  However, her luck is short lived as without a key to the temple she uses her magic and the Minaton's great strength to break in.  The Minaton is crushed under a giant stone block in the process, quite a sad end (IMHO) for a quite menacing and well envisaged creation.

A dissapointing end to the Minaton in his hour of triumph

Sinbad rushes to the shrine as Malanthius suspects that Zenobia's forced entry will disrupt the delicately balanced nature of the Arimaspi magic.  They encounter Zenobia at the foot of the great steps in the middle of the temple and Kassim who has by now lost entirely his human traits and attacks and kills Zenobia's son Rafi.

The Troglodyte could have been a contender with his mean left hook

They managed to get Kassim into a cage and lift him high into the cascading waters which form the centrepiece of the shrine.  When the cage is lowered Prince Kassim has been miraculously restored to human form, but the distraught and enraged Zenobia, posesses the body of a frozen Smilodon and tries to kill everyone.  The Troglodyte comes to the rescue enabling the party to escape, only to die in the battle, Sinbad prevails, finally impaling Zenobia on the Minaton's spear.  With the secrets of the Arismapi lost the shrine disintegrates and Hyborea reclaims the hidden valley to ice and snow.

Sinbad is victorious, impaling Smilodon Zenobia on the spear of her own creation.

Sinbad and his comrades return to the city state of Charak where Kassim is crowned Caliph and gives his blessing to Sinbad and Farah.  This happily ever after ending is tainted by the shocking appearance of Zenobia's eyes as the credits finally roll suggesting that she will return...

Indian Robot Endhiran

My head is sore (as are my sides) after watching this action sequence montage for Bollywood's take on The Terminator and Matrix franchises, Indian Robot Endhiran.

Moviewatch: looking forward to 2013

Watching movies is one of my great passions and a huge inspiration for my RPG plotlines.  It's rare that a movie is entirely useless from a DM's perspective (except maybe Battleship) and I often find myself tearing a bad film apart just to reuse it's kernel in a plot of my own.  So without further ado, and with January nearly over,  here's my list of movies that I'm looking forward to seeing in 2013.

JANUARY

•  Storage 24 - Noel Clarke (aka Micky from Doctor Who) co-wrote and stars in this sci-fi horror set in a storage center.  I doubt if it will eclipse the excellent Attack The Block, but it's a great set-up for a modern day RPG so there should be loads of plot hook material ripe for the picking.
  
  
• Hansel & Gretel: Witchhunters - Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton star as the grown up Brothers Grimm characters who have become globetrotting bounty hunters specialising in the supernatural.
  
  
• John Dies at the End - Don Coscarelli directs what can only be described as a slack-stone-horror wherin two college drop outs encounter the mind bending, time traveling drug soy-sauce.  Check out Don's awesome anti-piracy trailer for a taste of what I mean.
  
  

FEBRUARY

• Escape from Planet Earth - Brendan Fraser and Rob Corddry star in this animated interplanetary escape movie.  Fun for the little ones I think.

MARCH

• OZ: The Great and Powerful - James Franco stars as Kansas con-artist and stage magician Oscar (Oz), transported to the land of the munchkins in this movie derived from the Frank L Baum classic.  Trailer looks sumptuous, and although I do think that The Land of Oz necessarily needs another movie, having a prequel told from a perspective other than that of Dorothy is probably the way to go.  One question remains though; What was the Land of Oz called before the wizard arrived?
   
  
• GI Joe: Retaliation - Channing Tatum reprises his role as Duke, accompanied by Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson, Ray Stevenson and a host of others in this oft rescheduled sequel.  I expect to see lost of silly action sequences and ridiculous gadgets as the Joe's face off against their Cobra nemesis, Vartan (Arnold Vosloo).
     
• The Host - Saorsie Ronan (Hanna) stars as Melanie Stryder who becomes the unwitting host to an alien soul.  Based on the novel by Stephanie Meyer (Twiligiht) this has equal chance of being great or awful, but I expect my 14 year old stepdaughter will demand to see it.  
  

APRIL

•  Oblivion - Tom Cruise stars as a Jack Harper, a drone repairman stationed on an Earth devastated by an apocalyptic war with aliens.  Everything he knows about the war is challenged when he discovers the contents of a crashed spaceship.  From what I've seen so far the visual style is a contrast of futuristic white apple product design against a backdrop of bleak desolation, nice...  
  

MAY

• Iron Man 3 - More of the same in the third outing for Robert Downey Jr.'s wisecracking billionaire tech genius philanthropist Tony Stark.  Is anyone tired of this yet? thought not...
  
• About Time - Richard Curtis (4 Weddings and a Funeral) writes and directs this tale of Tim (Domhnall Gleeson), a young man who can travel through time.  The set up is a bit groundhog day/50 first dates, so one for the ladies,me thinks.  Although my lady prefers movies with a lot of shooting, car crashes and arms and legs flying eveywhere, ah well.
  
  
• Star Trek: Into Darkness - Is it Khan? I don't care, I just want to see Karl Urban, Simon Pegg and Anton Yelchin reprise their roles as Bones, Scotty and Chekov.
  
  
• The Purge - In a dark future USA, prisons are overcrowded and the government instigates a series of 12 hour prosecution free periods in which all illegal activity is made legal.  Lena Headey (Dredd, Game of Thrones) and Ethan Hawke star as parents trying to protect their family from a home invasion.  

JUNE

• After Earth - M Night Shymalan directs and Will and Jaden Smith star as father and son Cypher and Kitai, whose spaceship crashlands on a hostile future Earth leaving Kitai to try to reach a distress beacon and send for help to save his father.  Will it be any good, probably not but it will do reasonably well at the box office and perhaps there will be a Shymalanian plot twist at the end...
  
• Man of Steel - Much hyped attempt to reboot the superman franchise again.  Henry Cavill stars as Superman, Russell Crowe as his father Jor-El and Michael Shannon fresh from his bad-cop role in Premium Rush plays General Zod.
   
• Monsters University - Twelve years after Disney/Pixar released Monsters Inc, John Goodman and Billy crystal are reunited as the hairy scary odd couple Sully and Mike, in this prequel set during their time at the University of Fear.  Expect laughs, "Mild Peril" and fun for all ages.
   
• World War Z - Much hyped visualisation of Max Brooks novel starring Brad Pitt as UN employee Gerry Lane as he travels the world trying to prevent the zombie apocalypse.
   
• Kick Ass 2: Balls to the Wall - Aaron Johnson and Chloe Grace Moretz return as lycra clad superteens "Kick-Ass" and "Hit Girl" in the eagerly awaited sequel to John Romita Jr.'s awesome comic book.  Guest stars include Jim Carey as "Colonel Stars and Stripes" and Christopher Mintz-Plasse whose "Red Mist" character has become "The Mother Fucker".  Can't wait till this comes out it should be awesome.
  

JULY

• Despicable Me 2 - A sequel to the 2010 hit animation starring Steve Carrell as Gru assisted by the voice talents of Al Pacino, Russell Brand and Steve Coogan to name but a few.  Expect it to be slick and full of laughs for all the family.
  
• Pacific Rim - Guillermo Del Toro's eagerly anticipated Kaiju movie starring Charlie Hunnan (Sons of Anarchy) and Idris Elba (Prometheus) as they defend the earth from giant monsters in their equally giant robots.  Awesome trailer and should prove to be at worst an hors d'ouvre for more giant monstrosities in the Godzilla movie slated for 2014. 
  
  
  
  
• The Wolverine - Hugh Jackman is back as the eponymous adamantium clawed hero in this rendition of the Silver Samurai storyline.

AUGUST

• 300: Rise of an Empire - Frank Miller and Kurt Johnstadt reunite for this sequal directed by Noam Murro.  A cast of relative unknowns are all that stand between Xerxes and his ultimate goal conquering ancient Greece.
  
• RED 2 - Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren and John Malkovitch reunite as the Retired and Extremely Dangerous spies in a new adventure.  Expect ridiculous levels of action and dead pan laughs as the gang try to outwit the badguys out to retire them for good.  I am particularly looking forward to seeing David Thewlis as "The Frog" (Best character name I've heard in ages).
  
  
• Elysium - Matt Damon Jodie Foster and Sharlto Copley star in this Neill Blomkamp tale of a dystopian future set on a ravaged Earth populated by the destitute ruled over by a wealthy elite from their orbital spacestation.
  
• Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters - Chris Columbus returns to direct a second Percy Jackson adventure based on the mythical childrens novels of Rick Riordan.  I absolutely loved the first movie, it was witty, intelligent, fun and action packed with a smattering of greek mythology to keep the parents happy.  Infinitely preferable to that derivative magical boarding school drivel the english teachers were happy to let kids suck up so greedily during the noughties.
  

SEPTEMBER

• Riddick - Vin Diesel returns to the role that made him famous.  Our eponymous anti-hero is left for dead on a killer alien planet only to be beset on all sides by bounty hunters predatory aliens and his old enemy Necromunger Commander Vaako (Karl Urban).
  
  
• I, Frankenstein - Aaron Eckhart plays the monster trapped between two warring clans of supernatural immortals.  Based on the Dark Horse comic book of the same name, this sounds like another go at the Underworld / Blade horror-action subgenre, perhaps Bill Nighy's villain will lift this movie out of obscurity.
• Cloudy 2: Revenge of the Leftovers - A sequel to the highly entertaining kids animation Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. 
  

OCTOBER

• Sin City: A Dame to Kill For - Robert Rodriguex is back directing Frank Miller's dark vision of a crime riddled city in it's spectacular "comic noir" style.  Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson and Clive Owen all return, so expect dark, dark things and plenty of graphic blood spattered violence.  BTW has anyone written a Sin City Fiasco playset by any chance?
• The World's End - Edgar Wright directs Simon Pegg and Nick Frost in the last of the "Cornetto" trilogies.  Five friends reunite after 20 years to relive their epic pub crawl and unwittingly save mankind.  Stellar cast of British actors including Martin Freeman, Rosamund Pike, Eddie Marsan and Paddy Considine should ensure this movies success.
  

NOVEMBER

• Ender's Game - Fans of Orson Scott Card's epic Sci-fi series have been patiently waiting for someone to step up to the plate and make the first movie of the saga.  Talentented young actor Asa Butterfield (Hugo) stars as Ender Wiggins, recruited to battle school in  preparation to defend humanity from impending invasion by a vastly superior alien race.  Can he even survive the training?
   
• Thor: Dark World - Chris Hemsworth returns as the norse superhero battling the forces of the evil dark elves in this post Avengers Assemble sequel.
  
• The Hunger Games: Catching Fire - Second installment of the Suzzane Collins trilogy where Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) are once again forced into the Hunger Games whilst their world descends into revolution and chaos

DECEMBER

• The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - Part two of Peter Jackson's epic retelling of JRR Tolkien's classic childrens story.

NO DATE AS YET

• Frankensteins' Army - In the last days of World War II, Russian troops stumble upon one of the Nazi's most terrible secret weapon projects... An army of re-animated Frankensoldiers.
  
• Snowpiercer - Chris Evans and Jamie Bell star in this post apocalyptic sci-fi movie of survivors aboard a train. 
• Machete Kills - Danny Trejo returns as Robert Rodriguez's taciturn mexican vigilante in this no-holds barred grindhouse action thriller. This time he's joined by Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen.  Another outing for Machete is also planned with the ludicrously titled Machete Kills Again... In Space!

STILL WAITING FOR...

War of The Worlds: Goliath - Animated steampunk movie sequel to HG Well's War of the Worlds produced in association with Heavy Metal Magazine.  This one has been threatening to come out for a while, hope it doesn't turn into vapourware.

On the Workbench: Ral Partha Djinn & Efreet Pt 2

A while back I posted some photos of a couple of old Ral Partha D&D miniatures that had made their way on to the workbench.  Sadly I managed to break the Efreet's scimitar in half, either because I'm immensely strong/ham-fisted or more likely because tin/lead alloy becomes quite brittle with age.

Well I'm glad to say he's on the mend as I cobbled together a new sword out of an old credit card and some wire from a mousetrap (who would've thunk it).

Efreet with new plastic sword of +5 Elemental Awesomeness

I know the sword is a bit on the ridiculous size, but what the heck if he's an Elemental and so's his sword!!  It also reminds me a lot of Voss's character mini (Magmar Teufel Schlager) in the RPG romcom Unicorn City.  Which incidentally is currently playing on Netflix.

Magmar Teufel Schlager (please correct me if I got this wrong)

Tune in later for an update on the painting of both the Djinn and Efreet miniatures.

2012 Movies

Last year I posted my movie list for 2013 for the first time and I did get round to seeing the majority of them.   

THE HIGHLIGHTS

Underworld Awakening - A welcome update and return to form for the Underworld franchise after a frankly pitiful 3rd film.  I really do like Len Wiseman's dark modern world view of the eternal struggle between the warring clans of Vampires and Werewolves and his missus, Kate Beckinsale, always puts on a good show as the lycra clad Selene.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island - Despite the cast this was a nicely put together amalgum of Vernian adventure, far superior in my view than a lot of the turgid TV movies we've had over the last few years.  It reminded me of those happy Sunday afternoons I spent watching Doug McClure battling prehistoric monsters in The Land that Time Forgot and Lionel Jeffries in his bid to become The First Men in the Moon.

John Carter - An awesome film let down by a terrible PR campaign making it the biggest box office flop of the year (until Battleship).  If you haven't seen this movie, buy the DVD you will not be disappointed.  Andrew Stanton really deserves credit for bringing Edgar Rice Burroughs hero to a new generation in such an epic way.

John Carter fights two Barsoomian white apes

Iron Sky - The hype which preceded this Sci-Fi Nazi comedy was too much for the film to live up to in the end, but there were some really great visual and comedic moments.  How many films have ever seen which feature gigantic space zeppelins discourging Nazi UFOs?

Looper - A really enjoyable dystopian sci-fi movie and probably my favourite film of year, not perfect by any means but a neat idea well executed.  The star of the film had to be Pierce Gagnon who played the supercute but scary Cid and totally stole the show from Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon Levitt whenever he appeared on screen.  I loved the cobbled together tech vision of the near future in particular the café racer inspired jet engined hover bikes.

THE LOWLIGHTS

Prometheus - Ridley Scott's confused Alien prequel (or is it?) could not live up to expectations and I suspect that he shot an amazing film but it just ended up on the cutting room floor.  It was beautiful in every respect other than story so let's hope Prometheus 2 explains what the hell is going on.

Dredd - Although I loved the grim gritty reality of Dredd's interiors, it just failed abysmally to capture the Mega-City I know and love, t was just so flat and 2 dimensional.  Where was the hover  traffic, the suspended train line or the high-level megways which bind the blocks together?  I appreciate that this was most likely a plot device, let's face it you can hardly trap Dredd in a tower block if you have ready access to H-wagons.  It's what results when you rehash the basic premise of the vastly superior Gareth Evans directed martial-arts movie The Raid: Redemption.

Don't get me wrong it's not entirely worthless, it just wasn't as visually rewarding as I expected... damn you expectations!

Total Recall - Although it was a smörgåsbord of cyberpunk visual effects,  the rehashed storyline was a confused mess stemming from the brave but flawed decision to set it on Earth.  For example, if you had the technology to build an advanced security android why would you then bus thousands of migrant workers through the center of the Earth every day as a sweat-shop labor force to assemble them?  Would you not just have machines which made them?  To then ship them back to the other side of the planet as an invasion force, it just didn't make any sense. 

All human history points towards conquest being driven by the avaliability and exploitation of natural resources.  I'm sure if any of the bean counters had gotten wind of Cohaagen's plan they would have just told him to offshore production to the Colony ready for the invasion at a later date. 

Eclipsing the 90's Paul Verhoeven version was always going to be a tall order, and the film contains some excellent and worthwhile homages, but in this version you never got the feeling that you knew which version of reality Quaid/Hauser was experiencing.      

THE SLEEPERS

There were a few movies I caught this year whose PR managed to totally evaded my consciousness but I enjoyed enough to recommend:

Cockneys vs Zombies - An ensemble cast kicking zombie butt in London's East End and perfect inspiration for a game of Fiasco using the cockney London.

Grabbers - An Irish monster movie in the style of Tremors for which I wrote an earlier more in-depth post.

Headhunters - A gritty Norwegian crime thriller originally penned by Jo Nesbo with more twists in it than a pair of iphone headphones.  Like 2009's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo it has some brief nausea inducing moments in it that are not recommended for those with weak stomachs but the cast, including the very talented Aksel Hennie and Game of Thrones star Nicolaj Coster-Waldau, are convincing giving you a real sense of jeopardy throughout.

Aksel Hennie gets trapped in the privy in Headhunters

 

Coming soon... The 2013 Movie List






  

Moviewatch: Grabbers

Grabbers is an Irish monster movie, yes you heard right, an Irish monster movie.  Set on the small island of Erin off the Irish coast which unwittingly becomes the new home of a breed of monstrous aliens after a meteor crash lands in the sea.  Alcoholic local policeman Richard Coyle (Coupling) is the unlikely hero who, with the help of straight-laced mainland policewoman Ruth Bradley (Primeval) and a bunch of sozzled locals, uncovers a series of strange deaths and sets about saving the islanders from an unspeakable tentacled horror.

Grabbers - Movie Poster

Director Jon Wright makes excellent use of the small budge, aided by an ensemble cast including Russell Tovey (Being Human) and Bronagh Gallagher (The Commitments) to create a story which literally sucks you in.  He is of course aided by the fantastically picturesque town of Moville (near Derry) and economic use of a well thought-out and well executed CGI monster.

Essentially an Irish Tremors, Grabbers has its truly funny, if  little stereotypical, moments and there's plenty of shocks.  The monster is also quite scary, in a slimy tentacley way and plenty of craic is thrown in for good measure.

Awesome Aliens T-Shirt

The guys at fingerfunk.se have produced this awesome Chestburster Augmented Reality T-Shirt. 

Chestburster!!

Download the accompanying ChestBurster app from either the iTunes or Android store (depending on your mobile OS) and then point your smartphone camera at the image on the T-Shirt for a surprise!

You can buy the high quality printed t-shirt from fingerfunk or just do what I did and print it onto iron-on inkjet paper.